Football took a lot out of me this year. This is a common occurrence. My team stinks and is not in the Super Bowl again and never will be. If somehow that statement becomes untrue, I can say with the utmost certainty that they will never win one. This means there are only two good things about this week. First, virtually all other fan bases are just as miserable and apathetic as I am. Second, and more importantly, it’s the season for prop bets!
Note: I have touched on sports betting before and if you are one of those lucky few without this particular vice you can brush up on the terminology here because I will not be explaining the numbers and lingo in depth, not sorry. Also, this is the book I will be betting at for more props. Come say hi, or don’t.
Oh the prop bet. What a glorious creation the gambling Gods have bestowed on us. The ability to not only gamble on the game as a whole but to break it down into tiny bite sized betting morsels to gorge oneself on. You want to bet on a specific player scoring a touchdown? There’s a prop for that. You want to bet on a specific player’s total yardage? There’s a prop for that. You want to bet on the length of the National Anthem? You better believe there’s a prop for that. There are so many different prop bets I could spend a week touching on each one so instead please enjoy my favorites that I will be betting more money on than I am comfortable admitting here.
I currently live in the lovely city of New York where sports betting is not legal. Sure, its legal in upstate New York and across the river in Jersey, but I’ll be damned if I leave my island for either of those pointless hellholes. Instead, this Super Bowl weekend I will be making a trip to The City of Brotherly Love where the fine citizens apparently possess a modicum of common sense and have already legalized the activity. One second, this is a city that is best known for chucking batteries at opposing players and booing Santa. For Christ sake, their biggest sports hero is an undersized fictional boxer who wins by being able to get his ass kicked more than the other guy. If these gutter trash brains can figure it out and we can’t, what the hell are we even doing? Whatever, doesn’t matter, let’s get to the bets.
With so many options, it can be overwhelming to place a Super Bowl prop bet. That is why I am here. These bets are in no particular order of confidence and all of the one unit variety. If you want some type of reassurance that I did not just blindly throw darts at a board, I will be placing one unit bets on each for whatever that is worth to you.
George Kittle to score a TD +125
I love George Kittle. He went to my alma mater and he is every stereotype of an Iowan with the added bonus of being freakishly athletic. You can tell by the +125 that this is not a big payout because it is so likely to occur. I don’t care. I just look at it as free money. If you want to spice it up a bit there is also Kittle to score the 1st touchdown of the game at +1000. I actually like this too but the problem for me with 1st TD bets is your action ends relatively quickly and if there’s one thing I love, it’s action.
Kittle Receiving Yards O/U 73.5 Over -112
See the above. Nothing has changed with my infatuation with this man. No issue doubling down on his expected performance. 74 yards is a lot for a tight end but when I look at San Francisco’s passing attack I only see George. I cannot see them having the type of run success they achieved in the NFC Championship game. The Chiefs are not the Packers.
Jimmy Garoppolo to score a TD (Non Passing) +700
I love the quarterback non passing touchdown prop. It rarely hits, but before a game I can clearly see any signal caller on a QB sneak from the one cashing this in. At +700 it pays well but also shows how seldom it occurs. Can’t be bothered, still doing it.
Patrick Mahomes to score a TD (Non Passing) +400
Again, see the above. This pays less, but Mahomes is a more gifted athlete and scrambler than Jimmy G, which means you may not only have to rely on an inch line punch in. Still like it.
LeSean McCoy to score a TD +600
This one pains me personally. I loathe LeSean McCoy. I am a petty man and he spoiled Avengers Endgame the day after it came out on Twitter and I will never forgive him for it. Never. He will be my enemy until the day I die. Luckily, the gambling Gods care not for the petty grievances of man and I like money more than a grudge. Well, that isn’t actually true but I can have both here. It is life’s version of a middle and oh lord do I love a middle. All it takes is a 1st and goal from the 5 and he has a shot to cash this ticket. I like that chance at +600.
Total INTs 1.5 Over +135
I really like this one. Two picks total for the entire game at +135? I feel like this could hit in the first quarter. That’s one each or two from either quarterback. It seems too good to be true. In my experience that always means it will not happen but it doesn’t matter. I power through like a man and bet it anyways. This will be no different.
Total Punts O/U 6.5 Under +108
I’ll be honest. I could not tell you what the typical amount of punts there are in a game. I have zero clue. You could tell me 5 or 10 and I would believe you. There is just no way I can let such a stupid prop go unbet. I’m hammering the under strictly because it is the only side that is plus. If we aren’t here to gamble then what are we even doing with our lives?
So those are the prop bets I like the best. I will surely be betting others as well but this piece would be 10 thousand words if I went into all of that. I also like the Chiefs -1.5 for the game and the under of 54.5 but those are not prop bets so you will get no reasoning here other than I may have a gambling problem.
Let’s go make some money.
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