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What’s Al Got in the Bag?

What’s Al Got in the Bag?


Estimated Reading Time: 5 Minutes

This Celtics playoff run has been bonkers. Most C’s fans were happy to see us fight past Milwaukee in the First Round and expected a scrappy loss to Philadelphia in Round 2. Now, as of writing this, we’re a win away from making the Finals(?!?) which I still have not allowed myself to get excited about, because defeating Lebron in an Eastern Conference playoff series is like finding and destroying a set of horcruxes. Except each horcrux is a massive human-eating snake and not like a tiara or a book or one of the soft horcruxes.

So in these crazy times where a new Celtic steps up seemingly every game, a fresh hot take about how the Celtics don’t need Kyrie Irving or Gordon Hayward emerges every day, and a new piece of Terry Rozier swag pops up every minute, it’s nice to hold onto something reliable. Regular. Steady.

Enter Al Horford and his leftovers.

Al boards the team plane for a flight and with a bite.

On the court, Big Al has been huge this postseason. Some clowns in the Boston sports media (who understand baseball and really no other sports but are still given a huge platform to spout nonsense) have taken to calling him “Average Al” because Horford does not put up huge numbers and because stupid, ill-informed, alliterative nicknames can be catchy. Al’s sister and my favorite NBA Twitter personality Anna Horford sums up my feelings on the matter here:

Horford is always in the right place offensively and defensively, unafraid to take and make the big shot, and capable of defending the opposing team’s best player.

But as much as I’ve loved watching Al on the court this year, it’s really his off-the-court routine where I find the most solace. No matter if the team is getting on a plane or if he’s walking into the arena, Horford is consistently toting something to eat.

Two containers! Does Al share?
“Don’t think about snatching my snack,” Al thinks, looking at Guerschon Yabusele in the distance.

These guys arrive to the arena like three or four hours before tip off. Clearly, there’s a need to snack at some time before the game. Ray Allen was famous for having the same exact meal before every game of his career. It’s unclear exactly what Al’s got in these containers, but I mean I don’t think it’s the same exact meal every night.

What’s he so happy about? Being a 5 time NBA All Star? Or that delicious set of leftovers?

Maybe Al is doing some hardcore meal prep and he’s carrying some super healthy, balanced, fuel-giving concoctions in these containers. Maybe he’s got a private chef creating something mere mortals like you and me can’t even fathom. Or maybe he’s going out for a big lunch at the local California Pizza Kitchen and he’s not able to finish what he ordered. Anyone’s guess really.

When you’re ready for the game but also ready to chow down.
Al’s demeanor on the court stays pretty consistent. His diet? Unclear.

I imagine the Celtics locker room provides some type of spread before every game and at halftime. Apparently, there was a huge spike in PB&J consumption in the league over the past few years. But Horford does not seem like someone who would be satiated with something as simple as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He’s a full-grown man who needs a full-grown food source.

Or he just doesn’t like to see last night’s dinner go to waste so he carries it with him and snacks on cold pizza when he gets the nibbles at halftime. Really there’s just no way to know.

Cold outside but warm in the bag.

As a huge proponent of doggy bags as a means of limiting your portion size at a restaurant, I fully support all of this.

As someone who has had their leftovers poached by opportunistic roommates, I would keep an eye on Guerschon Yabusele. Just saying.

Actor. Celts and Sox fan. NBA League Pass enthusiast.

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