It’s that time of year again! There’s going to be plenty of yelling, poor decision making, and tons of roughing the passer* penalties! I am, of course, talking about Thanksgiving Dinner.
*- Mashed Potato Passer. It’s the first pun of the article. Buckle up!
Look, we all have those family members who drive us up the wall, unless you’re a liar and you have a perfect family life. There are going to be a ton of awkward conversations and serious side-eye shade tossed, shrouded in years of pent up aggression and years of quiet hatred burning in your hearts so hot it could be used to roast the turkey you’re about to devour as a family.
But that’s what makes this holiday fun, right?
You’re together with loved ones at the start of the Holiday season! And there’s a ton of food involved and that’s the best. Seriously, name another holiday where you can eat so much food and then take a long nap, thus avoiding your family and their horrible facebook memes. That, my friends, is a classic Win-Win-Win.
So why not take that aggression out on the field. The Fantasy Football Field, that is. That’s right, the thing that your aunt will no doubt call “SportsBall” (and that’s okay), could potentially save your Turkey Day from cratering thanks to Grandpa’s Flat-Earth friend who didn’t have a place for Thanksgiving and what was he supposed to do just leave the guy out in the cold with no one to eat with on this the most precious and gluttonous of November holidays? NO WAY.
Anyway, what I meant to say was that Daily Fantasy Football can help you and yours have a fantastic day together.
We’re all going to have one fringe family member or dinner guest who will casually ask you if you have money on the game. “Why do you care so much about the Lions Defense?” or “Are you crying over Ezekiel Elliot again?” are some possible things they’ll say. So, instead of correcting them when they ask about DraftDuel or FanKings, why not invite the whole family into the sordid world of Daily Fantasy Sports?
I personally love playing DFS with my family during the Holidays. After years of watching the Lions lose and the Cowboys exist, it can make those games worth watching, even if your family’s team isn’t playing. Hell, my family brings up the #ButtFumble every year, and for good reason, it’s funny and it involved a Patriots Defensive Touchdown.
So here are some guidelines, to help you and yours have some fun while watching Turkey Day’s NFL Games!
This is an obvious first step, but like, you didn’t think of it until now, so I’m reminding you. Just click the banner above and you’ll be on your way!
Pick Your Heroes
This one might sound like a bit of a no-brainer, but why not pick the players you like? Sure, Drew Brees is going to be a popular pick, but he’s so nice and awesome. I mean, did you see that video of him throwing passes to his kids? It’s unbelievably cute! And his Purdue pregame speech? He’s the best. He’s a guy you can get behind.
Even more so, why not go with the Detroit Defense! It’ll give you something to root for! Do you want to bring up that Matt Patricia turned down a government job to work for the Patriots and he’s now an NFL Head Coach, so everyone should stop asking what you’re doing with your Communications Degree as a Starbucks Barista? YES! YES, YOU DO!
Then there are the heroes like Mitch Tubisky, who is trying to breathe life back into the Chicago Bears and a city that hasn’t won a championship in two years! Why not believe in him for a bit? Or his backup Chase Daniel… (more on him later.)
Hell, if the Lions end up signing Colin Kaepernick that could be a wonderful conversation starter for the day, right?
Choosing players you actively want to perform well will cure you and your Uncle Phil of the Better’s Sweats. I mean, you’re already going to get the meat sweats, why would you want to add to that agony?
Play EVERY Game
This is a personal rule that I have for any DFS slate. If there are 3 game start times, be it 7 PM, 8 PM and 10 PM for Baseball, I play at least one game from each time slot.
This is no different.
Also, this extends the fun throughout the day! Once the Lions lose and the Cowboys are getting set for kickoff, you can announce who you have going into that game! Likewise for the late Falcons/Saints game! It gives you something to root for through the day, besides rooting for your liver to hold up.
This also allows those who missed out on early games to enjoy the current one. Imagine your mother comes in to announce that your dad is passed out with cranberry sauce on his face, and she sees the game on. If she’s privy to the happenings and the goings-on, she’ll no doubt ask “who’s playing in this one?” Or even “Did you take Dak Prescott? Why? did you see his game against New England? Are you HIGH AGAIN?”
Play a 50/50 in addition to a Cash Tournament
The number one question I get when playing DFS is “How much are you gonna lose?” The answer is always “hopefully nothing,” but it’s nice to have a backup plan. That’s where the 50/50 comes in.
A 50/50 tournament is one that involves half of its participants getting double their entry fee back. So your odds of winning are, say it with me, 50/50! This is also an improvement from a cash contest where only 20-25% of participants will win money.
Get yourself a safety net with a 50/50. Plus, if you lose your cash tournament and still place in the 50/50, you can tell people you won and it’s not a lie! Two Birds, meet One Stone.
Explain the Rules to Your Thick Family Members
The players have to be from the current games.
You cannot pick defensive players.
No, you can’t take all the players.
You have a salary cap.
Tony Romo isn’t playing.
No, Beyoncé is not doing the Halftime Show.
Don’t Pick The Best Players… Kinda
So this one might sound insane, but it’s going to help you out.
Most of the big-time players are going to cost you a pretty penny, and they should. It’s always going to be more expensive to get the best guys on your team, just like in real life.
Also, like real life, it’s often the undervalued players who come through and make the big plays in big games. James Conner wasn’t a first-round fantasy pick a few years ago. Josh Jacobs is crushing it for Oakland this year and I got him in the fifth. Hell, I picked up Lamar Jackson in the sixth round of most of my leagues this year, and he is THE GUY.
We’ll get to why you need the undervalued guys in a bit, but you don’t need all studs. Studs rhymes with duds for a reason.
Don’t Look at the Salary Cap
Take the players you want within the budget. Don’t get bogged down in spending money because you have it leftover. That can be a trap.
Instead, take the players you want, and fill in the gaps. Tinkering with a lineup you like, much like in regular fantasy football, can kill your chances of winning.
Stack the Teams You Like
You might be thinking “Justin, I already know what teams I like today!”
Good. Great. STACK THEM.
A stack is a term often used in fantasy sports than involves playing multiple players from the same team, in order to benefit from each other.
For example, Matt Ryan throws a touchdown, gets points for the TD and the yardage. His fellow Falcon receiver also gets points for yardage, the TD and the reception. You could have all of those points in one play if you take both guys. Do that with two or more receivers, ooh baby, that’s a FAT STACK.
It gives you much more of a stake in one particular game, too. So pick the one you like and stack it up!
Make It Sexy
When talking about not picking studs, you often have to make one bold pick. In DFS fantasy football, the aim is to get to 200 points. Is that difficult to do? Yeah, but shoot for the stars, ya know?
So that means that each one of your 9 players would need to score an average of 22.22 points. So yeah, you gotta make some moves to separate yourself from the pack.
You gotta make one sexy pick.
A sexy pick is one that doesn’t make sense, but kinda does. It’s a pick that is a sleeper on steroids. A sexy pick is a mismatch of a mismatch. A sexy pick is the reason you win.
I’ll give you an example.
Matthew Stafford‘s status for Thursday is “Doubtful” at the time of publication for this article. So you could roll the dice that he plays, and if he does, that he stays in the game long enough to get to 22.22 points. Or you take a stab at his backup
Is that a dangerous move? Yeah. BIG TIME. But it could be sexy.
Also, sexy is the idea of taking a guy like T.J. Yeldon. Who might see some action, but might not. It’s risky, but it could be sexy.
Choose risky, hope it’s sexy.
That’s the main goal here. Sure, there’s money involved, but at the end of the day it’s about having fun and enjoying the games with your family. If anything, the Thanksgiving Day DFS contests can provide a way for you and yours to band together and cheer for something, rather than swallow your thoughts and political opinions with a side of stuffing.
Trust me. It’s worth it. And you know what? It might just be a real hoot!
If it’s not, then there’s always hockey…
Happy Thanksgiving, you degenerates! May the odds be ever in your favor and may the drumsticks go to the most deserving family member!
- / 1 year ago
To me, Rachel Nichols is the personification of posting a black square on Instagram.