I’m not over it and I don’t think I ever will be.
Having to watch him continue to play at a Hall-of-Fame level on another team has been worse.
Last night Betts hit three home runs in the same game for the sixth time in his career. He is now tied for the all-time lead of three homer games and he is still 27.
Here’s a list of heartbreaks I would rather experience than having to watch Betts play like this for a team that isn’t the Red Sox.
Show up to my ex-girlfriend’s house party expecting we’ll be getting back together but it turns out she’s engaged to another guy.
Yeah, I’d rather go through this. The roof-deck is sick and at least I’m outdoors. Plus it’s not like she’s also hitting three home runs in the same game for LA.
Enter a hotel room prepared to “do stuff” with a famous actress and find her actor boyfriend there asking me to take out the trash.
I don’t get to visit a lot of fancy hotels and it’d be cool to meet Alec Baldwin. Still better than Betts going yard three times in a blue uniform.
The girl of my dreams breaks up with me in my car and gives me a pen to commemorate the experience.
Who doesn’t like getting gifts? Also, I didn’t have a car in high school, so I’d be okay with going through this if I get some sweet wheels out of it and Mookie doesn’t hit three home runs in a game outside of Boston.
Find out at the prom my “bad boy” boyfriend with a heart of gold has only been hanging out with me because Andrew Keegan paid him to.
Well right before this happens, he has organized my favorite band to play a song for me at the prom. You can’t win them all. And if Mookie is hitting three home runs on the Dodgers, I am losing them all.
Go surfing and then see my ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend paddle up next to me and inform me they were dating for a year while I was still seeing her.
This one’s rough, but right after this I almost save the new boyfriend’s life. Everyone loves a hero and it’s all about who has the last laugh in a break-up. Mookie had the last laugh yesterday when he hit three home runs in a game for the sixth time, and the Red Sox had position players pitching.
Sleep with a woman I have loved my entire life and then notice she’s left me when I wake up.
It motivates me to get on the cover of Runner’s World. Sometimes the worst moments can inspire the best ones. Except in the case of Mookie Betts being traded from the Red Sox and hitting three home runs in a game, no good will come from that.
Have my fiancé not show up to our wedding.
Hey, bullet dodged. Mookie Betts also has the type of crazy athleticism where he could likely dodge real-life bullets, but that’s not for Sox fans anymore. Nor is watching him hit three homers in a game for your team.
My former lover walks into my bar and I must help her new husband escape the Nazi-occupied country in 1941.
At the end of the whole ordeal I have a new friend. Plus, I have always wanted to own a bar, it’s as simple as that.
I have also always wanted to have a homegrown Hall-of-Fame caliber player on the Red Sox in his prime who hits three homers in a game for my team, and my team only.
Find my wife in the shower with another man and then get sent to a mental institution because of my rage-fueled reaction.
So, this one is a bit on the edge. But considering the amount of Quarantine weight I am rocking right now I don’t hate the mental institution diet that’d come my way. At the same time, the Eagles suck.
But what sucks more is seeing the best Red Sox position player I have ever seen hit three home runs in a game on another team.
The love of my life falls in love with the biggest dick in school, and they get married and have a baby. Then they’re murdered and I have to protect their baby throughout his adolescence even though he’s basically just like the dick. Also, everyone pretty much hates me and thinks I murdered my friend (even though he made me do it). Then a snake kind of eats me.
Yep, I’d still rather this than watching Mookie Betts hit three home runs in a game for the Dodgers. It’s that bad.
- / 4 weeks ago
To me, Rachel Nichols is the personification of posting a black square on Instagram.
- / 16 hours ago
Ever thought about switching from snake to an auction? Here's how you can make...
- / 2 weeks ago
Ted Lasso's Leading Lady may have a familiar face but you may not realize...