Estimated Reading Time: 3 Minutes. Time flies when you’re having fun!

Dear Colin,

I’m going to ask you politely to think about what you just said. (If you haven’t seen this abomination of sports coverage, you can watch it here.

This is coming straight from the playground etiquette handbook I was given when I was a mere seven years old. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. When you take up beef with the fans of Philadelphia, you take up beef with some of the best, some of the worst, but mostly just some of the more passionate people of the sporting world. Now, following the playground manual you should’ve read thirty-some-odd-years-ago, I’ll be specific and address the atrocities you’ve committed against the life blood of this nation.

1) Michael Irvin.

You want us to show empathy to a guy who always disrespected Philly, no thanks.

2) The Capital Argument.

You’re going to bring up a 240 year old issue? Talk about irrelevant…As you are a child of the Pacific, I expect you to be just that on this issue, a pacifist. You took the low-hanging-American-History-Fruit from the tree of possible insults. Just mediocre comedy and a “hot-take” that was lukewarm coming from your toaster oven of boring jokes.

3) Coaching Situations

If you had someone besides your stat boy preparing your backless features, you would know to not get on our treatment of coaches. Sure, a large contingency of fans in Philadelphia believe they know more than the coach, that percentage of fans could be higher than any other city. But, lets analyze who you went after and what happened during their tenure in Philly:

Big Red: Andy Reid’s time in Philadelphia was over. He needed a fresh start almost as much as the team did. He was still in the process of his son’s death, which Philly mourned with great support. WE honestly weren’t sure he would find a new gig. When KC came around, we were happy for him, we thought he jumped back into the game a little quickly, but we were happy for him. In his first coaching appearance since returning to the City of Brotherly Love, he was met with more cheers than boos (which is all you can ask of a loud fan base ((you see that Chargers fandom get shown up in Week 4… YOU LIKE THAT??)) Unless he wins a Superbowl with KC, he’ll likely retire as an Eagle, like if Vermeil and the Rams didn’t win. Also, bringing it back to the game, his clock management was always poor and and Donovan never had the receiving talent that now surrounds Carson Wentz. We didn’t run him out. When you’ve worn the same shirt to picture day every year, you need to change it up, even if it looks good on someone else in the next year’s yearbook.

Jay Wright: Huhhh? You’re baseless here. We give him the same flack we gave John Cheyney, it’s just he was louder than Mr. Wright. Jay’s a classy figure in the community and he’s got that Philly accent so you know we love him. That Arcidiacono to Jenkins shot is fapping material for a generation of kids who weren’t alive in ’85.

Terry Francona: The snuff spittin’ savior of Beantown, Terry Francona had a tough go at it in Philadelphia. We still respect him, though. Ed Wade never helped him out much, but also he needed seasoning. You’re not gonna throw a decent steak on a grill without massaging it first. Give Theo Epstein a little more credit here, and thank Grady Little for leaving Pedro Martinez (of the ’08 World Champion Phillies) in too long. Terry got what he deserved, a World Series Title in a different town. But, don’t tell me you nor I couldn’t have coached the ’04 Sox to the title. Yes, we appreciate how good these managers/coaches are. We had GMs and other executives who flat-out did not provide for the city as they should’ve. We didn’t run them out of town. We ran Chip Kelly out of town. That’s for sure.

My man, you botched this one. Philly’s tough on everyone. Now you’re next.

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