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Non-Sequiturs to Help Navigate Your Thanksgiving Dinner Conversation

We know. We know. We’re here to help with dinner.

Beautiful Thanksgiving table by hildgrim is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

Non-Sequiturs to Help Navigate Your Thanksgiving Dinner Conversation


Estimated Reading Time: 4 Minutes

Look, we all have our fair share of uncomfortable dinner conversations during the holidays, but that doesn’t mean there’s no way out of them. Sure you’re probably gonna dodge the odd political scandal or strongly held opinion, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Instead, we’ve compiled a helpful list of things you can say to steer the conversation away from the darkness that is our everyday life and towards the other darkness of sports. Sports are a great equalizer and we guarantee that they’ll do the trick!

There’s also these gems to help you out!

And now, your 2018 Turf Thanksgiving Non Sequiturs!

  • Personally, I like Draymond Green. I think he has a positive attitude on the court and off.
  • INSANE DOG SHOW THIS YEAR. NO ONE POOPED.
  • Kevin Durant didn’t earn his ring with Golden State. He couldn’t beat them so he joined them.
  • Chris Bosh was the best of the Heat’s Big 3.
  • Hamilton seems to be struggling. They could use a stunt cast. Perhaps, Tom Brady?
  • How soon until LeBron becomes LABron?
  • I wish Jaromir Jagr was my dad.
  • Does Boston know that Kyrie is a flat-earther? (A topic everyone on all sides loves to make fun of…unless your cousin Kyle is there. Kyle is a flat-earther.)
  • Justin Colombo needs to stop watching basketball.
  • Chris Webber made the right call taking that timeout in the National Championship Game.
  • One-and-Dones are the reason the NBA is fun to watch!
  • College Players should be paid.
  • How much ketchup is too much Ketchup?
  • Didn’t see anyone take a knee during Grace, Jerry Jones would be proud.
  • The Gruden deal is already well worth it. 
  • Tom Brady is nothing without Bill Belichick.
  • Jimmer Fredette was the greatest college player to ever dribble a basketball.
  • Larry Bird was overrated.
  • Charles Barkley was underrated.
  • AT&T Park is ugly as hell.
  • The best ballpark food in America is in Miller Park.
  • Everyone forgot about John Scott, but not me.
  • How about those Quebec Nordiques?
  • Some pretty solid lip sync performances during today’s parade, huh?
  • They need to update Fenway Park.
  • The Oakland Raiders will be better in Las Vegas.
  • The Mets have a chance to win it all this year.
  • The NBA needs to get rid of the One-and-Done. I mean, what’s the point?
  • Baker Mayfield is the next Johnny Manziel.
  • Baker Mayfield is the next Tom Brady.
  • Stephon Marbury is a star in China. Who saw that coming?
  • Fumbles through the end zone, should they be touchbacks?
  • Is Tom Brady league MVP right now?
  • Drew Brees is the most likable NFL player.
  • Jacob deGrom is the true National League MVP. 
  • The Duke Freshmen are the new Fab 5.
  • Major League Lacrosse will be bigger than Soccer in 5 years.
  • So how about those Quebec Nordiques?
  • Kyle Kuzma’s Sound Cloud mixtape is FIRE.
  • The Montreal Expos sure look like they have their ducks in a row, huh?
  • Hockey would be better without all the fighting. 
  • Saw a guy in a Brian Urlacher jersey last week. Where did he get that?
  • What’s the next professional sports team to change cities? My vote’s on the Marlins.
  • Original Broadway Production of Side Show over the Revival. 
  • Look, if I got to go to London every year, I’d sign up to be a kicker.
  • Turf Burns was a good idea.
  • I think Roger Goodell is doing a great job. Definitely deserves a raise.
  • Phoenix Suns are on fire, huh? What are some other sports puns we can think of?
  • Ichiro over Peter Rose.
  • It’s 1997. You have to start an NFL franchise with one of the four Heisman Trophy finalists. That year, they were Peyton Manning, Charles Woodson, Ryan leaf, and Randy Moss. Who do you choose?
  • Roger Clemens going to Toronto wasn’t the best decision, huh?
  • The Stanley Cup is kinda easy to win, huh?
  • I took Le’Veon Bell first overall in my fantasy draft. Still would honestly.
  • Zion Williamson is already better than LeBron and Jordan.
  • Does anyone know how MLB Posting works?
  • Wayne Gretzky’s best years were played in St. Louis.
  • The Cowboys could still win the Super Bowl.
  • I always believed in Case Keenum.
  • Summer Catch is better than Bull Durham.
  • The Europeans really know how to design Hockey uniforms. I love the ads!
  • That’s not what All Blacks means.
  • It’s called American Football. The rest of the world already created Football.
  • Sandy Koufax kinda pussed out by quitting so early.
  • Mariota is washed up.
  • Andy Reid’s teaching a seminar on clock management. Thought I might check it out. 
  • I root for the teams based on their pants color.
  • Eric Thames will bounce back.
  • How about those Quebec Nordiques?
  • F**k Trump.
  • The MLB is losing fans and it’s because the GAME. IS. SO. SLOW. 
  • Vince Carter is the greatest slam dunker of all-time. 
  • Is dunker a word?
  • Would you eat a turducken? 
  • Even if it has the word turd in it?
  • Can’t wait to miss all the Black Friday deals tomorrow. Sorry, did I say deals? I meant fights.
  • Canned cranberry sauce. Hands down.
  • So Christmas sucks, huh?
  • 8 Crazy Nights over White Christmas.
  • The Mets are already the 2019 World Series Champions, you just don’t know it yet. 
  • Todd Gurley is the best thing to happen to the Fantasy Football Industry. 

Have a great Thanksgiving! And remember, it’s not a true thanksgiving until someone mentions Tom Brady’s GOAT status.

Justin Colombo is a 2017 Broadway Show Softball League All-Star at 3B/SS. He's essentially the Manny Machado of the Kinky Boots team. Justin has been writing about Baseball since he was a little kid. Now that being an actor in NYC has given him a lot of free time, in 2015 he decided to take his passion public and founded Three Up, Three Down as a way to express his love for the game. From there, Three Up, Three Down grew from a hobby to an obsession. After years of growth and one insult from MLB's Historian, Justin launched The Turf, a way to expand into all areas of the sporting world. Follow him on Instagram and Twitter. LET'S. GO. METS.

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