Hello and Happy Sunday
Morning Evening to you all! Every Sunday I muse at you briefly about sports stories that didn’t get full articles. This week, however, I can’t focus on anything but Ted Cruz. That is a nightmare for me, so in lieu of musings, here is an article with a very specific thesis.
Ted Cruz: Please F**k Off
This week a video (posted by @JordanUhl) went viral featuring Ted Cruz playing basketball. Poorly. He’s not good. The video looks like a stereotypical basketball highlight reel and features “Jumpman” as the soundtrack. That is comedy gold, and the video spread like wildfire. Including me, I shared it to The Turf writer’s chat room, and laughed about it all night. Here’s the video in its glory:
Then I thought about it a little longer. Here’s my problem. Context is everything. This video was edited by @JordanUhl and he did fantastically. But there’s an original, and I think that original is the context needed for me to hate this after some thought.
Ted Cruz did this to make himself more likable
I’m going to give you some history through Tweets. Back after Game 7 of the Western Conference Finals Jimmy Kimmel likened Ted Cruz to a Blobfish, the fish widely considered to be the ugliest fish on the planet.
Well good ol’ Blobfish didn’t take too well to the comparison. He challenged ex-Man Show host Kimmel to a game of One-on-One Basketball. Loser pays $5,000 to the non-political charity of the winner’s choice.
God I hate that I’m going to be embedding tweets from Ted Cruz in this article. BUT THERE’S A POINT, AND THAT POINT IS TO TELL TED CRUZ TO F**K OFF, SO HERE WE GO.Me. I’m quoting me. THIS IS A QUOTE.
First came the dress code trash talk.
Was your instinct what mine was? To go “Alright, Ted Cruz! Way to stick it to the smug TV host?” It was? That’s the point. Ted Cruz played a good game here. He came out on top, he looked like a man willing to mix it up with the Hollywood elites he hates so much. Cruz got a couple good shots in, better, I would say, than Jimmy Kimmel’s offerings. And in that moment Ted Cruz became likable. This is unacceptable.
Next came the videos.
So now that it was decided, this was really happening, both men went to work making themselves relevant. I’d love to pause for a second and talk about what that means. Jimmy Kimmel is trying to “best” Ted Cruz, but all he’s doing is giving him a platform to the mainstream. Ted Cruz fans are never going to end up on Jimmy Kimmel’s side because Jimmy got a burn in. But Kimmel fans will definitely laugh and chuckle at Cruz having a witty comeback. This is dangerous. This is the normalization of dangerous people.
Now then, like I was saying about videos. In a since-deleted video, Kimmel called Cruz “a Canadian whose name isn’t even Ted, who lost an election to a game-show host, doesn’t know the word (basketball) hoop, and is way too close to his mommy.” Followed up by a video interviewing a marine biologist about the Blobfish.
Insults will bring empathy to Ted Cruz. That’s just how it works, Jimmy. You may think you look like the man for going after him, but it only plays into his hands. Cruz, took the high road.
Does that first tweet look familiar? That’s right, it’s the same video that launched this whole article. And it was released by Ted Cruz.
To make fun of himself.
This is the whole problem with this video going viral. We’re not laughing at Ted Cruz, we’re laughing with him. Every chuckle of his buffoonery while dribbling a basketball is humanizing him just a little bit. This is why people take part in Roasts of themselves, it allows them to be in on the joke. And the worst part is, it’s manufactured buffoonery. He made it. He knows he’s better at basketball than that video shows, but he put it out there to humanize himself, and we ate it up.
How does the story end? Ted Cruz beat Jimmy Kimmel in the one-on-one game that went for far too long. In the waning moments, Kimmel said to Cruz’s daughter “you got to see your Daddy win something.” In that moment, Cruz won. No one, on either side of the aisle, will support that statement to his daughter. And so Ted Cruz comes out looking human, and he proved Kimmel to be the Hollywood elite jackass that he always claimed him to be. If you so choose, you can watch the final video here:
But I’m going to skip onwards because I have one more thing to say here:
F**k Ted Cruz.
Seriously. He is a bad person. Bad. Not, “I disagree with you” bad, but “horrible for the world and society” bad.
He is severely anti-woman’s right to choose
Ted Cruz once called Roe vs. Wade “a shadow on our nation.” On that landmark’s law’s 40th anniversary, he released a statement that is practically bone-chilling.
He called for the abolition of the IRS and Estate Taxes
I am a person who has lost both of his parents at 29 years old. I know more about estates now than I ever hoped to have to. Here’s what I can say. A vast majority of states (I think all excepting Pennsylvania) do not charge you any taxes on Estates until the Federal Government does. The Feds charge after you $5.34 Million. Let me say that again, and we’ll round down for ease. If you inherit less than $5 Million in the vast majority of states, there will be no Estate Tax charged. His argument for the abolition of the IRS is that we should have a Flat Tax Rate. That’s all well and good except Flat Tax rates exorbitantly affect the poor more than the rich. Why? Because let’s say it’s a 20% Flat Tax. If you make $10,000 in a year, and I make $100,000, that means you’re losing $2,000 and I’m losing $20,000. I have $80,000 left over, you have $8,000. Those are exceedingly different numbers.
He opposes Public Education
Ted Cruz called for the abolition of the Department of Education, and to instate School Choice. School Choice is an interesting phenomenon, because once again, it directly affects poor families. School Choice takes a proportional amount of money out of a school that a family doesn’t want to send their child to, and puts it into the Charter School of their choice. This is exactly what bankrupted the public schools of Detroit and Philadelphia, and left the schools in the suburbs with record budgets.
He shut down the Government over the Affordable Care Act
This is well documented. The Affordable Care Act gave Millions of Americans access to health care they didn’t have before. One should not have to go into bankruptcy in order to stay alive. For me, this is moral. If you disagree, I find your moral compass disgusting. If you agree with me, but don’t think the Affordable Care Act brings you the best option to do what I’m saying, then let’s chat about what you think would work better. I’m all ears if we agree on that point. Ted Cruz blamed Obama and the Democrats for the shutdown in the end, which actually makes no f**king sense.
His track record on LGBTQI+ Equality is abysmal
He once called on states to defy the Supreme Court ruling on Marriage Equality. His argument was that unless your state was in the suit, they don’t have to follow the ruling. Which is odd given that all lower courts must use the Supreme Court as a precedent. In other words, just some f**king bulls**t.
He will destroy the planet if he has his way
Ted Cruz once compared Climate Change Activists to Flat-Earthers. He is willing to say Climate Change is real, but won’t say that Humans have any contributing factor to it. Cruz also supported the withdrawal from the Paris Climate Accord.
This list goes on and on and on. As someone who considers himself a political activist, I fight against policies like Cruz’s on the daily. Calls, Votes, they all matter. Public Relations matters. Ted Cruz’s should be in the shitter for the awful things he’s done. Let’s not forget, he tried to normalize himself before, and f**king BuzzFeed went with it.
So my point is this. Do not normalize this awful human. We may think we’re laughing at him when he dribbles a basketball like an asshole, but that’s EXACTLY why he posted the video in the first place.
F**K TED CRUZ.
The Turf stands with those who are marginalized. We will continue to speak out on behalf of those who need standing up for, and against the tyrannical, irresponsible, and downright dangerous policies of people like Ted Cruz. If you want to write a sports article for us to discuss these sorts of issues. We welcome you to submit through our “Write With Us” page.
- / 18 hours ago
We dive into our first ever Turkey Day Turf Wars Believe Bowl. Which one...
- / 19 hours ago
Thanksgiving is my all-time favorite holiday. It has everything: gluttony, drinking, football, DFS, gambling,...