Connect with us

Fielder's Choice

Welcoming The Weekend With Kirk Cousins Mantra Rocky IV

Kirk Cousins, my home team quarterback with his finger on the pulse of pop culture, helps us welcome the weekend.

Kirk Cousins by Keith Allison is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

Welcoming The Weekend With Kirk Cousins Mantra Rocky IV


Estimated Reading Time: 2 Minutes

You made it! It’s finally the end of another work week. Sure, the weekend has lost a bit of its luster lately, but no work is still no work, even if it is just sitting at home doing nothing. I mean, unless you have kids or a family or responsibilities and if so, that’s a “you” problem.

Kirk Cousins, Master of The Media

This week, the most uninteresting man in the world, Kirk Cousins, finally said something interesting. Notice I didn’t say intelligent or surprising or even shocking. Here’s the quote:

What a rascal! In the most obvious reveal ever, Kirk has outed himself as an anti masker, if you will. There are a few things in this statement that are unintentionally hilarious. First, he basically sites Darwinism when he says ‘survival-of-the-fittest’ which is absolutely delicious considering he is a bible beater who 100% believes the earth is like 2,000 years old. If that wasn’t filling enough, he paraphrases Rocky IV with ‘if I die, I die.’ There is no chance he didn’t just watch that movie last night and think to himself, here’s a fly fresh bit to drop on the lads.’ I love it so much.

Full disclosure, I am a Vikings fan and that’s my quarterback. I’ve made my peace with the fact that he is not going anywhere and I just have to strap in and ‘enjoy’ the ride. How do I just accept that the quarterback of my favorite team is a creationist, anti-masking human piece of plywood?

Thinking About The Following Helps:

Kirk Cousins is the kind of guy that signs all his emails with ‘cheers’.

Kirk Cousins still double knots his shoe laces.

Kirk Cousins says the Pledge of Allegiance before and after sex.

Kirk Cousins is the kind of guy who will gleefully ask you, ‘workin hard or hardly workin?’ then immediately belly laugh.

Kirk Cousins still refers to his underwear as ‘underoos.’

Sure it’s juvenile but if you expected anything else from me this is clearly your first time. We all do what we have to in order to get by.

You Like That?

I sure do Kirk, I sure do.

Josh grew up in the midwest and upon graduating from the University of Iowa he wanted to see the world. After 4 years in Jacksonville he decided he was cultured enough and moved on to Birmingham England (known to the locals as the Detroit of the UK) and then west to San Francisco before settling in NYC. He pays his bills working in finance making sure the 1% remains on top. When he is not selling his soul and unable to look himself in the mirror, he spends his time writing mean things about sports while his dog, Sweet Dee, silently judges from her spot on the couch. He is very biased and never wrong. He would also like to thank Rotowire for never changing their NBA League Pass and MLB.TV passwords from that year when he was an NBA Beat Writer for the Nuggets for some reason.

Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Turf Burns!

Advertisement

Editor’s Picks

Latest Articles