Estimated Reading Time: 2 Minutes 
At their worst, there’s really no difference. Also at their best, there’s really no difference.
NFL: The Bachelor/Bachelorette
- A much harder game to play after 30.
- Professes to be an equal opportunity but non-white participants are virtually unrepresented in top leadership roles.
- Management claims to be “just as shocked as you” when an environment they created turns toxic.
MLB: Survivor
- The American original.
- Takes more weeks to play out than anything else.
- Behind-the-scenes nerds pulling all the strings.
NBA: America’s Next Top Model
- If you’re not tall you’d better be goddamn talented.
- Actually tries to keep up with the times.
- Thank God the commentators have this or what would they do for work.
NHL: The Deadliest Catch
- All white cast.
- Low center of gravity highly advantageous.
- Very few casual viewers.
- Objectively more exciting than its predecessor.
- People only don’t watch because they’re too pretentious.
- Players are incentivized to play the field both wide and deep.
MLS: Big Brother
- We know it’s American but it still feels foreign.
- Contestants grossly overact for sympathy and a little down time.
- Amazingly still on the air.
USMNT: Trading Spaces
- Over-promises and under-delivers.
- Gets airtime despite waning audiences.
- Everyone’s pretty hot though.
USWNT: House Hunters
- Consistently world class since 1999.
- “How do they get so much for paying so little?”
- You’d be willing to watch it but have no idea when it airs.
WNBA: The Voice
- Undeniable talent.
- Teamwork valued over egoism.
- Not the launchpad you want it to be for a permanent career.
LPGA: The Great British Baking Show
- A genuinely relaxing watch.
- More diverse than you would expect.
- Skills that are made to look easy but you could never personally execute them.
PGA: Hell’s Kitchen
- Way more yelling than you’d expect.
- The jacket is everything.
- Skills that you could never personally execute and they’ll make sure you know it.
USTA: The Amazing Race
- Doubles!
- Best stuff happens outside the US.
- We’re not like ‘other’ games, our scoring is words.
Minor League Baseball: 90 Day Fiancé
- “We want to stay together but no guarantees”.
- Expecting to live in a mansion, instead sharing a condo with no AC.
- You gotta leave town after the breakup.
WWE: RuPaul’s Drag Race
- Bad acting made forgivable by exceptional physiques.
- Pretty gay when you think about it.
- Winners and losers determined by dramatic impact not ability.
