At their worst, there’s really no difference. Also at their best, there’s really no difference.

NFL: The Bachelor/Bachelorette

• A much harder game to play after 30.
• Professes to be an equal opportunity but non-white participants are virtually unrepresented in top leadership roles.
• Management claims to be “just as shocked as you” when an environment they created turns toxic.

MLB: Survivor

• The American original.
• Takes more weeks to play out than anything else.
• Behind-the-scenes nerds pulling all the strings. 

NBA: America’s Next Top Model

• If you’re not tall you’d better be goddamn talented. 
• Actually tries to keep up with the times.
• Thank God the commentators have this or what would they do for work.

NHL: The Deadliest Catch

• All white cast.
• Low center of gravity highly advantageous.
• Very few casual viewers.

XFL: Bachelor In Paradise

• Objectively more exciting than its predecessor.
• People only don’t watch because they’re too pretentious.
• Players are incentivized to play the field both wide and deep.

MLS: Big Brother

• We know it’s American but it still feels foreign.
• Contestants grossly overact for sympathy and a little down time.
• Amazingly still on the air.

USMNT: Trading Spaces

• Over-promises and under-delivers.
• Gets airtime despite waning audiences. 
• Everyone’s pretty hot though.

USWNT: House Hunters

• Consistently world class since 1999.
• “How do they get so much for paying so little?”
• You’d be willing to watch it but have no idea when it airs.

WNBA: The Voice

• Undeniable talent.
• Teamwork valued over egoism. 
• Not the launchpad you want it to be for a permanent career.

LPGA: The Great British Baking Show

• A genuinely relaxing watch.
• More diverse than you would expect.
• Skills that are made to look easy but you could never personally execute them.

PGA: Hell’s Kitchen

• Way more yelling than you’d expect.
• The jacket is everything.
• Skills that you could never personally execute and they’ll make sure you know it.

USTA: The Amazing Race

• Doubles!
• Best stuff happens outside the US.
• We’re not like ‘other’ games, our scoring is words.

Minor League Baseball: 90 Day Fiancé

• “We want to stay together but no guarantees”.
• Expecting to live in a mansion, instead sharing a condo with no AC.
• You gotta leave town after the breakup. 

WWE: RuPaul’s Drag Race

• Bad acting made forgivable by exceptional physiques.
• Pretty gay when you think about it.
• Winners and losers determined by dramatic impact not ability.