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Some Helpful Non Sequiturs to Help You Get Through Thanksgiving


A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving by Cozinhando Fantasias is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0

Some Helpful Non Sequiturs to Help You Get Through Thanksgiving

Estimated Reading Time: 4 Minutes

Look, we all have our fair share of uncomfortable dinner conversations during the holidays, but that doesn’t mean there’s no way out of them. Sure you’re probably gonna dodge the odd political scandal or strongly held opinion, but it doesn’t’ have to be that way.

Instead, we’ve compiled a helpful list of things you can say to steer the conversation away from the darkness that is our everyday life and towards the other darkness of sports. Sports are a great equalizer and we guarantee that they’ll do the trick!



  • Personally, I like Draymond Green. I think he has a positive attitude on the court and off.
  • Kevin Durant didn’t earn his ring with Golden State. He couldn’t beat them so he joined them.
  • Chris Bosh was the best of the Heat’s Big 3.
  • Porzingas is the next Patrick Ewing.
  • How do you think Shohei Otani’s name is pronounced. (THIS ONE COULD GET DICEY)
  • So Lebron’s kinda nothing without Kyrie, huh? Makes you think doesn’t it…
  • I wish Jaromir Jagr was my dad.
  • Butch Jones got a raw deal.
  • Will Boston still love Kyrie when they find out he’s a flat-earther? (A topic everyone on all sides loves to make fun of…unless your cousin Kyle is there. Kyle is a flat-earther.)
  • Chris Webber made the right call taking that timeout in the National Championship Game.
  • One and Dones are the reason the NBA is fun to watch!
  • College Players should be paid.
  • Didn’t see anyone take a knee during Grace, Jerry Jones would be proud.
  • Tom Brady is nothing without Bill Bellichick.
  • With Kyrie playing at the level he currently is, it’s making me rethink my flat-earth stance.
  • Jimmer Ferdette was the greatest college player to ever dribble a basketball.
  • Larry Bird was overrated.
  • Charles Barkley was underrated.
  • AT&T Park is ugly as hell.
  • The best ballpark food in America is in Miller Park.
  • Everyone forgot about John Scott, but not me.
  • How about those Quebec Nordiques?
  • Some pretty solid lip sync performances during today’s parade, huh?
  • They need to update Fenway Park.
  • The Mets have a chance to win it all this year.
  • The NBA needs to get rid of the One-and-Done. I mean, what’s the point?
  • Baker Mayfield is the next Johnny Manziel.
  • Stephon Marbury is a star in China. Who saw that coming?
  • Fumbles through the end zone, should they be touchbacks?
  • Is Tom Brady league MVP right now?
  • Tom Brady IS League MVP right now.
  • Will Philly be one and done in the playoffs?
  • Came and Wentz, am I right?
  • Major League Lacrosse will be bigger than Soccer in 5 years.
  • So how about those Quebec Nordiques?
  • Lonzo Ball has some strong….hair?
  • Was Bill Bellichick wrong with his Mexico comments?
  • The Montreal Expos sure look like they have their ducks in a row huh?
  • Saw a guy in a Brian Urlacher jersey last week. Where did he get that?
  • What’s the next professional sports team to change cities? My vote’s on the Bucks.
  • Look, if i got to go to London every year, i’d sign up to be a kicker.
  • I think Roger Godell is doing a great job. Definitely deserves a raise.
  • Phoenix Suns are on fire, huh? What are some other sports puns we can think of?
  • It’s 1997. You have to start an NFL franchise with one of the four Heisman Trophy finalist. That year, they were Peyton Manning, Charles Woodson, Ryan leaf, and Randy moss. Who do you choose?
  • Roger Clemens going to Toronto wasn’t the best decision, huh?
  • I like the Chargers in Los Angeles.
  • The Stanley Cup is kinda easy to win, huh?
  • I took Zeke Elliot first overall in my fantasy draft. I saw this season coming.
  • We all do realize there are Olympics this year right? RIGHT?
  • Does anyone know how MLB Posting works?
  • Wayne Gretzky’s best years were played in St. Louis.
  • The Cowboys could still win the Super Bowl.
  • I always believed in Case Keenum.
  • Hamilton is trash.
  • The Europeans really know how to design Hockey uniforms. I love the ads!
  • LaVar Ball has a great business plan. I intend to purchase some Big Baller Brand merch for you guys this Holiday Season.
  • Kaepernick’s still got a few more weeks.
  • That’s not was All Blacks means.
  • It’s called American Football. The rest of the world already created Football.
  • Sandy Koufax kinda pussed out by quitting so early.
  • Mariota is washed up.
  • I root for the teams based on their pants color.
  • Eric Thames will bounce back.
  • How about those Quebec Nordiques?
  • F**k Trump.

Special Thanks to Ned Donovan and Jake Bridges for their contributions to this piece.

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