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Crimes and Merch-demeanors: Hands High Sportswear

Crimes and Merch-demeanors

Crimes and Merch-demeanors: Hands High Sportswear

Hands High Sportswear has created a product that literally no one needs. No one. And it comes with celebrity backing, having been created by Jimmy Fallon.

Estimated Reading Time: 2 Minutes

Yesterday all the writers for The Turf took part in a fun exercise. Head to, find something that you would like to buy, write up a quick blurb about it. A fun little Black Friday feature to get people thinking about sports gifts.

Then I saw something unacceptable and abhorrent. Hands High Sportswear.

What on earth is happening? (Source: Fanatics)

Yes that’s right, that’s the team logo on that dude’s armpit. Because nothing says “I’m a fan!” like sweating a pitstain into your favorite team’s branding. 

That picture, by the way? Photoshopped.

[metaslider id=”17138″]

I was appalled that someone thought “yes…armpit branding is exactly what people need.” So I headed to the company website at, to discover the following statement:

Hands High will feature team logos from the NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL and NCAA that will be located in a new place — beneath a fan’s arms and along the side of torso. Hands High sports apparel is created by Tonight Show host and sports fan, Jimmy Fallon. Realizing that sports fans spend a great deal of their time during games cheering and high-fiving, Jimmy decided to turn his idea into reality.


Jimmy. Baby. Sweetie.

This is not a good idea.

I’m putting it out there, does anyone own one of these? Do you love it? Do you sit there, arm in the air, staring at your armpit and celebrating your team? Or do you raise your hand, point to your armpit, and catch the attention of a passerby to go “Look! I’m a fan!”

Look! I’m a fan!

– Literally no one who is pointing at their armpits

And if you thought this crime against fashion stopped at t-shirts, worry you not, there is a whole line of sweatshirts as well.

Now as we’ve shown from our Tip of the Cap series, this is not the worst idea in sports apparel. It’s probably not even cresting the top 5. And for sure, we will definitely make a list of all the sports apparel/merchandise you should not purchase. 

But for today, please do not buy these t-shirts/sweatshirts. And someone, for the love of God, get Jimmy Fallon. He needs to be stopped.

Ned is an Actor and award-winning Content Creator based out of Brooklyn, New York. Currently you can hear him as a voice actor on the podcast Encounter Party!, and as the host of the podcast At the Table: A Play Reading Series. Originally from Portland, Maine, Ned is an avid follower of all things New England, be it sports teams, breweries, seafood, or Cumby's. He spends most of his free time playing board games, listening to podcasts, and gawking at dogs on the street. You can learn more on his website,

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