Ramón Laureano may not have liked it. The league may not have like it. And normally, I don’t ever condone fighting in baseball. But I do condone this technique. The confidence. The embrace. The A+ angle of an ass that’s been perfected from a career of squatting. It’s working juuuusst fine for me.

(this list is in no way exhaustive)

50 Places Dustin Garneau Can Wrestle Me to the Ground

1. A cozy mountain chalet.
2. A roadside motel during a thunderstorm.
3. A field of wildflowers.
4. The dock of a secluded lake.
5. Any penthouse.
6. A desert island beach.
7. A private Malibu beach.
8. Even a not so crowded Galveston beach.
9. Honestly, is there a boardwalk to hide under? Any beach.
10. The treehouse of his childhood home.
11. An old barn loft.
12. Behind the bleachers at our high school reunion after lo these many years.
13. The gazebo from Sound of Music.
14. A tropical bungalow.
15. A tiny Paris flat in the shadow of the Eiffel tower.
16. Amidst the fog on the grassy Cliffs of Moher.
17. Below deck of a yacht headed for international waters in the madness of fleeing U.S. jurisdiction for the crime we can never undo.
18. The stacks in the library at my alma mater.
19. At the House of Healing in Minas Tirith as we recuperate from a harrowing journey.
20. A wagon full of hay.
21. The parlor of an English manor house.
22. The first colony on Mars.
23. A probably haunted house that was left to us in a distant relative’s will.
24. A dilapidated house in Tuscany.
25. The overgrown vineyard next to that house in Tuscany.
26. The log cabin we built ourselves as we settle the Great Plains.
27. A cave.
28. The upper room of a Saloon.
29. A lighthouse in Maine.
30. Basecamp on Mt. Everest during an unexpected blizzard relying on body heat for survival.
31. Any of the bridges of Madison County.
32. The pottery studio from Ghost.
33. On a catamaran.
34. In the middle of Stonehenge to enact some mystical ritual we don’t fully understand but are compelled by nonetheless.
35. Beneath the Aurora Borealis.
36. A greenhouse.
37. Aboard the TARDIS.
38. A hidden room after an evening of distant though palpable flirtation at Venetian Carnival.
39. The top of the Space Needle.
40. The rafters of an empty theater.
41. The office of the P.I. investigating me for the untimely death of my husband.
42. A houseboat in the canals of Amsterdam.
43. An abandoned bell tower.
44. The unfurnished suburban home we’ve just moved to because we’re ready for the simple life.
45. The Captain’s quarters of a pirate ship.
46. An enchanted birch forest.
47. The single room Henry David Thoreau lived in on Walden Pond.
48. A Grecian isle where goats outnumber the locals.
49. My holding cell just before I’m burned at the stake for our illicit affair.
50. On the field of the Oakland Coliseum.

Let me know when’s best for you, Dustin.