Flipping a table is lots of fun. Whether you’re in an old western saloon, or you’re in your basement by yourself, there’s nothing more fun than those few seconds of furniture flight. So I thought I’d let you in on a few secrets of mine.
So the first thing you want to do is find a table. It doesn’t have to be a nice table, just a flat surface with four or more legs. For reference, a table with three legs is a stool, a table with two legs is a tray, and a table with one leg is… well that’s a stand I guess? Anyway, once you find the table you’re going to flip, grab one side of the table and then look at this tweet:
Well, well, well, would you look at that! That table’s been flipped! See, it’s simple! All you need to do is find a table, grab hold of it and look at this tweet:
Wow, look at you go! Flipping tables like a boss! Not the boss of the MLB Rob Manfred, though! He can’t flip a table, because he’s going to need it when he’s negotiating health and safety guidelines for the upcoming league, instead of just talking about money.
AW MAN! WHERE DID THAT TABLE COME FROM?! COME ON! You can’t just drop a Passan tweet on me like that. Whenever I see a Passan tweet lately, my fingers start to twitch and the sweet smell of IKEA wafts under my nose and then without warning…
Here’s the thing, you guys, I simply don’t care anymore. Major League Baseball is careening for disaster and with a new CBA on the horizon, I’d rather they shut it down and focus on that. This is absurd. Just give me LeBron in Disney World and we’ll regroup for next spring.
That’s it. I’m out of tables.
See you all next year.
- / 1 year ago
To me, Rachel Nichols is the personification of posting a black square on Instagram.