Estimated Reading Time: 5 Minutes

Webster’s Dictionary defines DISASTER as “a calamitous event, especially one occurring suddenly and causing great loss of life, damage, or hardship, as a flood, airplane crash, or business failure.”

Webster’s Dictionary defines FAILURE as an “omission of occurrence or performance; failing to perform a duty or expected action  a state of inability to perform a normal function.”

Webster’s Dictionary defines MESS as “a disordered, untidy, offensive, or unpleasant state or condition. One that is disordered, untidy, offensive, or unpleasant usually because of blundering, laxity, or misconduct.”

Webster’s Dictionary defines A BUNCH OF GODDAMN FOOLS as “Sorry, the word you’re looking for can’t be found in the dictionary.”

Urban Dictionary defines DUMPSTER FIRE as “a complete disaster.” and “Johnny Manziel” #ThanksfornothingUrbanDictionary


The Mets Bullpen is all of the above, you guys. ALL OF THE ABOVE. They’re a disaster, a failure, a mess, a dumpster fire. They are bad at pitching baseballs at a professional level. Seriously. This a bunch of guys getting paid millions of dollars to do something at the highest professional level and they are not even coming close. I hate to whip out the old “they make millions to play this game” cliché because it’s my least favorite and it’s the dumbest thing you can say because they get paid what they get paid and who cares it would be insane to pay you $25 million dollars a year to be a WalMart greeter Mike, but I’m going to use it because these guys are that bad and maybe Mike is right wow look at this run on sentence, are you starting to understand my frustration with this godforsaken bullpen?

Let’s start by giving them the benefit of the doubt, alright? This past weekend against the Brewers was rough, but this isn’t the Brew Crew of recent seasons, far from it. This is a Brewers team that has been tearing the cover off the ball and as of right now, are sitting 2nd in the NL Central. Their offense, the main reason they’ve been winning so much, is sitting atop the leaderboard in almost every offensive category in both leagues, usually right behind the absolutely stacked Washington Nationals. So, is it insane that the Brew Crew would put on such an insane display of hitting? No. Is it insane that the Mets bullpen would blow leads in back to back games? Is it insane to wish that your bullpen could not give up 8+ runs in two games? IS IT INSANE TO WANT THAT?

Let’s not split hairs, you guys. What we saw from the bullpen this weekend was nothing short of abysmal. It was atrocious. Plain and simple. So how do you solve a problem like this bullpen? Thankfully, I’ve come up with a list of guys I think could really help out the Mets.

#7 – Rod Beck

In all seriousness, I had a whole thing written about how he would fit in with his hair and about how rough and tumble he is, but then I remember that he died in 2007. So this is more of a sad reminder that Rod Beck is dead. 🙁 RIP Big Fella.

#6 – Doc Windgate from Major League 3: Back to the Minors

#5 – Dennis Quaid

#4 – Byung-hyun Kim

#3 – Tim Lincecum

#2 – Actual Angels

#1 – Kenny Powers

In all seriousness, the Mets have a big problem brewing with their pitching staff, and it’s one that won’t be going away next week. Something must be done, no more of these half measures, no more calling up Gilmartin. We gotta see some new faces, because the old faces are bringing the same old nonsense.

First off, let’s discuss the timetable for Matz and Lugo. Both of these guys haven’t pitched since Spring Training and will no doubt be on short leashes for their first few outings once they get back. The return dates are not official, but every source is saying end of May. We’re now halfway through the month, so it’s high time we heard something about rehab starts or firm return dates. And then three days ago, we learned that Matz will be going to extended Spring Training. Matz and Lugo are both throwing on flat ground and are working their way up to throwing off a slope and then into simulated game scenarios. Matz is now looking at an early June return “if there are no setbacks.”

Lugo, on the other hand, is trying to avoid Tommy John Surgery by getting a platelet-rich injection and rest, but still has a slight UCL tear. Lugo did throw 30 pitches in two innings in an extended spring training game, and while that is great to hear and wonderful that he’s getting back on track, it does bother me knowing a guy is trying to constantly avoid Tommy John all season. I mean, maybe I’m wrong here, but isn’t that adding another potential injury to the list to watch out for?

Regardless, once they get back there’s no way these two head to the bullpen, so that’s not gonna solve our issues there. What it will do is move Gsellman back to the pen as the long man, or just another option. Tommy Milone becomes a bit of a toss up, but much like the other teams he’s played for, I think you have to keep him for as long as he’s decent. When Tommy Milone is a more enticing option than Rafael Montero, you have to keep him on the roster.

Can you call anyone up to at least attempt to add some new life to this flailing disgrace of a bullpen? Can anyone be brought up to help pitch for a bullpen that opposing hitters are slashing .276 against? Tommy Szapucki and Justin Dunn are the Mets top pitching prospects, but both are about two years out from joining the big league club. Ricky Knapp, a Mets prospect at the Triple-A level, has been beaten up in the Pacific Coast League, but is still on top of the list to move up to the majors should someone else die. Kevin McGowan has also shown some promise in Las Vegas posting a 1.29 WHIP throughout his 21 innings in Triple-A. And finally there’s Tyler Pill, who has been the most consistent pitcher for the 51s this season, going 2-1 in 5 starts holding an ERA of 1.14 and a WHIP of 1.00.

These are the guys in the system that could make a difference, but once that well has run dry the Mets will have to turn their search outward to the league to find some answers to the bullpen. There is no excuse for giving up big leads in back to back games. There is just no excuse. So let’s hope the Mets bullpen finds their bearings before they find other excuses for their poor play.

The Mets head to Arizona where they will have to face Zack Greinke in the second game of the series. The Mets pitching staff will trot out Wheeler, Milone and Harvey to face a sneakily good Arizona offense. These guys can hit when they need to, and are no doubt licking their chops at the thought of facing this disheveled Mets bullpen. Buckle up, folks. It could get bumpy this week.

%d bloggers like this: