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Welcoming The Weekend With That Time Randy Johnson Exploded A Bird

The odds of this occurring. The timing of it all. The unbelievably poor luck of the dumb bird. None of this makes sense, and yet it happened.

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Welcoming The Weekend With That Time Randy Johnson Exploded A Bird


Estimated Reading Time: 2 Minutes

You made it! It’s finally the end of another work week. Sure, the weekend has lost a bit of its luster lately, but no work is still no work, even if it is just sitting at home doing nothing. I mean, unless you have kids or a family or responsibilities and if so, that’s a “you” problem.

I know everyone is probably aware of this moment. I know I probably don’t have anything interesting or groundbreaking to say about this moment. I also know I do not care one bit. This is still the most insane thing I have ever witnessed with my own two eyes and I lived through an era where Mambo #5 was a massive hit.

How?

The odds of this occurring. The timing of it all. The unbelievably poor luck of that dumb bird. None of this makes sense, yet it exists, and we are all better because of that. Well, not the bird, but I like to think that even that unlucky avian understands what he gave to the world with his sacrifice. He could have gone out like any other nameless prick bird but instead, he will be remembered forever on the internet and in our hearts.

Seriously, how?

Seriously, what other bird, nay, animal, has ever gotten this type of shine for its exit from this world? Anyone of us would be lucky to have this type of sendoff from our mortal plane. If it sounds like I’m jealous of this dead-ass bird that is because I am. This is basically their version of a Viking funeral. No higher honor than being instantaneously disintegrated by a Randy Johnson fastball, captured on live television and living across the internet until the end of time, or until the sun explodes and we all become nothing but stardust, much like this iconic winged creature.

Here’s to you, bird. Thank you for your service. God bless.

Josh grew up in the midwest and upon graduating from the University of Iowa he wanted to see the world. After 4 years in Jacksonville he decided he was cultured enough and moved on to Birmingham England (known to the locals as the Detroit of the UK) and then west to San Francisco before settling in NYC. He pays his bills working in finance making sure the 1% remains on top. When he is not selling his soul and unable to look himself in the mirror, he spends his time writing mean things about sports while his dog, Sweet Dee, silently judges from her spot on the couch. He is very biased and never wrong. He would also like to thank Rotowire for never changing their NBA League Pass and MLB.TV passwords from that year when he was an NBA Beat Writer for the Nuggets for some reason.

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