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A Very Pointless Ranking of All-Star Games

I say that it’s pointless because we all know who the real winner is. And it’s about to be on display for the next few days in all of it’s glory.

Michael Jordan Slam Dunk Contest by Cliff is licensed under CC BY 2.0

A Very Pointless Ranking of All-Star Games

Estimated Reading Time: 4 Minutes

I say that it’s pointless because we all know who the real winner is. And it’s about to be on display for the next few days in all of it’s glory. But for a bit of fun and whimsy let’s pretend that there is a competition of which league has the best All-Star game/weekend.

1. NBA

Technically this isn’t a contest, BUT if we were casting our votes this would probably just be a unanimous decision. NBA All-Star Weekend is 3 nights of nonstop awesomeness. The Slam Dunk contest alone blows every other All Star weekend out of the water. They jump over mascots for crying out loud!

And for you purists out there I give you Vince Carter...

Then there’s the 3 point contest and the skills showdown and just the pure joy of all the players reactions from the benches during all of these events that just makes the whole weekend seem like such a celebration of how most of these guys fell in love playing the game as kids. To be honest it’s hard to wipe the smile off my face for these 3 days.

The Celebrity game is a great balance of players and personalities having fun playing a game that they can pick up any nice day of the week and play with their buddies and it shows. Oh, and lest we forget that the Captains of each team now to get to draft their starters on live television.

The tone of this year’s All-Star game is likely to be a bit more somber in the wake of the tragic and sudden passing of Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter Gianna. But the league and the teams will have some stellar tributes in their honor. In the grand scheme of things, however, if you’re not having fun during NBA All-Star Weekend don’t even bother wasting my time.

2. MLB

The Home Run Derby is the real draw here. Just a bunch of professional baseball hitters playing tee-ball basically. I mean c’mon, just take all of my money to watch this. (Spoiler alert: I tried to give them all of my money in 2013 when the Mets were hosting, but alas, they wanted more money than I had. But the money I spent on FanFest was well worth it!) Plus, the pure joy and competitiveness of the little nuggets in the outfield trying to make a great catch brings my cold little heart much warmth.

Just look at The Kid go!

Much like the NBA’s Celebrity game, MLB’s Celebrity Softball game is always amusing to watch. It’s a basically a showcase for us all to go, “Oh wow that former player who just got his AARP card in the mail in can still really run”, or “Well that famous person not only won the congeniality award in high school but also Most Athletic too.”

Unlike pretty much every other game this is the only one of the All-Star games to potentially result in a low scoring event and with the loss of the “winner taking home-field advantage in the World Series” it’s basically just turned into a glorified showcase.

3. NHL

The skills competition here is all that is really worth talking about. The finesse it takes to complete them is unparalleled to most of the other leagues. Did I mention that they do things that most normal athletes do all whilst on a thin blade of steel and a slippery surface?

The new format is intriguing with different divisions facing off in each period and the winners of each one eventually matching up in the 3rd period. Oh, and 3-on-3 hockey is so much fun to watch! Plus the fact that fans get to see a massively high scoring game which is a rarity in hockey. I’ll take a good fight over this though any day.

If you thought I would miss a chance to point out a badass female athlete you don’t know me well enough.

4. NFL

Honestly, why does this even exist? Literally the only fun or good thing to come out of this is the dodge ball game. That’s it. That’s the amount of feelings I have about it. Could you at least move it back to Hawaii for the B-Roll footage?

An actor by degree, sports lover by day, and a bartender by night. As a native of suburban Detroit it took moving to NYC for Katie to fully realize her love of all things Michigan and Detroit sports. Feel free to engage her in her love of the coolest city and prettiest state in the country and why she will always root for Ohio State to lose every sporting event ever. No, really I am dead serious about that last statement.

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