Spring in the NBA can be such an exciting time. It brings us newly-documented sightings of some of the fans’ favorite rare species.
In recent weeks, we have seen a resurgence of one of these favorites in the Gulf Coast and the Northwest, causing alarm in these regions. Officially known as Rondus Postseasonus, but known better as ‘Playoff Rondo,’ its latest arrival could pose a threat to the entire Western ecosystem.
Let’s take a closer look!
Family: Pelicanae Neuorleanus
Genus: Globulus Maestro
Species: Rajonus Rondus
Subspecies: Rondus Regularis, Rondus Postseasonus
Conservation status: Endangered
There are no genetic differences between the subspecies. The subspecies classification is based on marked differences in range and aggression. Both are highly-intelligent, however, while Rondus Regularis is passive, aloof and irritable, Postseasonus is hyper-active and hyper-aggressive. In addition, Postseasonus, unlike Regularis, tends to thrive in only the most hostile environments.
Regularis is even known to hold a grudge. Would you believe it!
Rondus Postseasonus is small in size, roughly 185 cm in length and weighing 84 kg. It is made most effective by having arms and hands that are the length and size of a species almost twice its size.
The average lifespan of Rondus Postseasonus is 12.3 games, but there hasn’t been a Postseasonus survive longer than 2 games since 2012.
Until this latest one, which as of now is guaranteed to survive at least 8.
Range of Rondus Regularis
Found in hardwoods across all of North America. While Rondus Regularis populates over 30 regions throughout North America, Rondus Postseasonus is limited to a handful. Another key difference is that while the migration patterns for Regularis are known and predictable, Postseasonus’s migration patterns are more erratic and often hard to forecast.
North American hardwoods are densely occupied in the time from October to April. From the end of April until the end of June, the conditions of the hardwoods become harsh, and life thins out considerably. Conditions in the late Spring/early summer are most severe, eventually turning inhabitable for all but the most hearty of species.
The key to survival in these months is strength and adaptation. The hardwoods themselves have many different characteristics throughout North America, and a species can only survive by sustaining through its constantly-changing environment.
This spring’s newly-observed edition of Rondus Postseasonus was last seen migrating toward the hardwoods of Oakland, CA. Northern California is a region of stark and unforgiving wilderness that has the claim of having yielded just one survivor over the course of three springs.
That one survivor? The well-known Jameseus Rex.
Jameseus Rex in victory pose
The diet of Rondus Posteseasonus, like all hardwood species, consists of shared morsels of food, known as ‘buckets’. Most commonly, Postseasonus is able to work with other Pelicanae Neuorleanus in its ecosystem to successfully secure enough buckets for 5-8 organisms to survive.
Rondus Postseasonus is the trickster of the hardwoods; look away and you’ll miss something!
Rondus Postseasonus displaying typical attack posture
Postseasonus is able to effectively utilize misdirection and sleight of hand to isolate buckets from their natural defenses, making them easy to catch. While it prefers to create openings for others during a hunt, it is itself an effective striker, and if given the opportunity will score an open bucket on its own.
Rondus Postseasonus has very few natural predators. Its small body size may appear to leave it vulnerable, however Postseasonus is able to use its long arms and large hands to gain an advantage, and its quickness to effectively maneuver out of danger.
Rondus Postseasonus may have few natural predators, however its symbiotic nature leaves it vulnerable to the success/failure of the organisms it attaches to. If the other Pelicanae contract Brick–a widespread virus affecting many hardwood species in the spring–or are devoured in Oakland hardwoods in May, then nearby Rondus Postseasonus will suffer the same fate.
What will it take to save the Rondus Postseasonus?
Rondus Postseasonus celebrating a recent bucket score
There is no answer for this in zoology, but amateur opinions abound.
In a defensive two-on-two for the ages, it will take Jrue Holliday and Anthony Davis neutralizing more of Golden State’s offense than Klay Thompson and Draymond Green can neutralize of New Orleans’. This may be up to Alvin Gentry’s use of Holliday on the defensive end.
It will take Steph Curry missing more than one game. Returning from a knee injury following a season full of ankle rolls should be misery for Curry with Jrue Holliday guarding him. And if Curry is out then Holliday is freed from Curry to take Klay Thompson.
With all that’s been made of the Pelicans success sans Demarcus Cousins, they will wish they had him in this series. If nothing else, to occupy Draymond Green and give Anthony Davis more time to operate away from Green.
And if you think Draymond Green can’t shut down Anthony Davis, think again, because he can come close.
We can’t know for sure what the future holds for Rondus Postseasonus. The harsh climates of the North American hardwoods in May and June are too much for most species to endure, especially in Oakland, and despite its early resurgence, it is hard to imagine seeing the Postseasonus survive more than another 7 games.
Will we see another Rondus Postseasonus? Only time will tell. In the meantime, we may have to appreciate every sighting we get.