Welcome to Super Bowl weekend ladies and gentlemen! We made it. Before kickoff, when my crippling Super Bowl anxiety will inevitably hit since I’m a Patriots fan, do yourself a favor and make some bets. For those of you that live under a rock, the Super Bowl offers you the chance to choose from thousands of bets. You can bet on everything from the spread, to P!nk’s hair color when she performs the national anthem.
These bets can make something as boring as the coin toss turn into a five second thrill ride that you’ll tell the grandkids about. From the the football aficionado to the person only tuning in for the commercials, there is a bet out there for everyone. And if you don’t have a dog in the fight then betting can make Sunday an event to remember. Shout out to North Dakota for picking the right team:
— inforum (@inforum) January 24, 2018
Before we get into this, know that gambling can be a serious addiction. Don’t tempt yourself if you have had past issues or feel you could easily develop a gambling problem. Click here for help from the National Council on Problem Gambling for more information on addiction.
Ok, back to the fun stuff.
How much should you bet?
When making your bets, I recommend only betting what you feel comfortable losing. There are few guarantees in life, but losing a bet is one of them. The best advice I ever heard on betting was from Randy Moss on the podcast Pardon My Take. I’m going to paraphrase, but his advice was to bet the same amount you’d be comfortable spending on a night out on the town. Simply divvy that up and place your bets. If you treat betting as entertainment you will have a lot of fun. But once you treat betting as a way to pay the rent then:
And we here at The Turf we are all about you having a good time.
The Coin Toss (heads & tails -105)
A Super Bowl classic that generates hundreds of thousands of dollars in action each year. In the last four Super Bowls the flip has come up tails, which has resulted in a lot loyalty to that pick. It’s not surprising, as bettors have raked in the cash four years running. Say the phrase “tails never fails” in a crowd and whoever nods in agreement has made this bet before.
I feel like being a contrarian this year, so I’m going heads. I’m also sick of how often I hear people scream “tails never fails” during the game. Time to bring that group down a peg.
Mark’s pick: Heads
Over/under on national anthem:
On average, the National Anthem has taken 1:58.6 seconds to sing in the last 12 super bowls. But if you think P!nk isn’t going to hold at least one note a bit longer than Carrie Underwood, you’re wrong.
And the betting world agrees with me. As I write this, the under is coming in at +125 while the over is -165. It won’t give your largest return, but think of betting the over as a low risk, low reward way to grow your gambling pot.
Mark’s pick: Over
Pink’s Hair Color during the national anthem:
As I write this post the options and odds are as follows:
- White/Blonde (-300)
- Pink/Red (+400)
- Green (+400)
- Blue/Purple (+900)
- Brown/Black (+900)
I know I’m going to be the boring one here, but I’m picking blonde. Why you ask? Because Minnesota is a wholesome land filled with good people, and blonde hair is as ‘Murican as apple pie. Plus, P!nk just sang the Grammy’s rocking a blonde look, which I think she will carry into the big game. Purple for prince? Green for the Eagles? Black for Roger Goodell’s heart? Nope. Throw what you know, P!nk. Hit ’em with the blonde.
Mark’s pick: Blonde
First and foremost let me just say I sympathize with Eagles fans. Going into a Super Bowl against a team that previously beat you in the Super Bowl is just too juicy. It makes you feel like the universe is giving your team the chance to step up, right a past wrong and make your life more whole. It’s fate! But, as a Patriots fan, I experienced that same confidence coursing through my veins in 2011 when the Patriots went into Super Bowl XLII for revenge. And the G iants stomped my heart. Again. For the second time in four years. The universe doesn’t give a fuck about fate.
And I get it. Based on how porous the Patriots pass defense can be this year, and how Nick “BD” Foles is slinging the ball right now, there is a possibility that the Eagles get their chance at revenge. But they forgot there is a certain 40 year old QB, and a cast of other characters, that are going to get in their way. The Patriots are going to win this game.
Are they covering a spread of +4.5 (-110)? No. The Patriots will never let me see them win a Super Bowl in a blow out. I’ll spend every fourth quarter on the edge of my seat swearing like a sailor. And yes, winning by more than 4.5 points is a blow out in my mind. Am I going to put a lot of money on the Patriots moneyline (-175) and parlay that with another bet? You’re damn right I am.
Mark’s pick: Patriots moneyline. And just for fun, here is my predicted final score: Patriots 21 Eagles 17.
Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr. (-110). Lock it up. For the Patriots to win this game it won’t be on the back of the defense, but the extremely pliable arm of Tom Brady. Another Patriot could go off in this game, but I still don’t see anyone else but TB12 getting the trophy in a Patriots victory. I mean, James White caught a Super Bowl record 14 passes for 110 yards and a touchdown in last years game, while also rushing for 29 yards and scoring two other TDs including the game winner and he still didn’t win MVP. Brady did.
If the Eagles win it’ll go to Foles. But that ain’t happening.
Mark’s pick: Tom Brady
Anytime Touchdown Scorer:
Danny Amendola is sitting at +175 right now and I recommend you jump all over that. I don’t think people are giving Amendola the credit he deserves for the positive impact he’s had on the offense. As you may have seen in Tom vs. Time, Brady has a connection with Amendola that is similar to his chemistry with Edelman. A connection so strong he invited both of them to his super secret cabin in Montana to talk TB12 workouts, shit talk tomatoes and work on go routes.
In the playoffs this year Danny “Playoff” Amendola has been targeted 22 times and caught 18 passes for 196 yards and 2 touchdowns. If you don’t think that type of success bleeds into the Super Bowl when the Eagles dedicate double coverage to Gronk, you’re crazy.
Mark’s pick: Danny Amendola (+175)
And that’s all I’ve got for you right now. Best of luck my fellow degenerates. Here’s to a Patriots victory.