You’re currently sitting on your couch, sobbing into a bag of Salt & Vinegar chips. You’ve already compromised your New Year’s Resolution by eating said bag of chips and now your favorite football team has been kicked out of the playoffs. Or if you’re a Jets fan, you’ve been in that position for months now.
So what do you do? How can you erase that deep pain inside your heart?
Well, fortunately for you, I’ve been in that position. Well not that much, since I’m a Patriots fan, but it has happened. And because I’ve been reading self help books as part of my resolution this year, I’m feeling pretty good about life and want to share the love.
It’s Not Your Fault.
First thing you have to realize is that it’s not your fault. Not matter what, it is not your fault.
No really, it’s not your fault.
Good. Now we can continue.
Now that your football season is over, it’s a perfect time to get settled into college basketball season. After an exciting first half of the season, conference play has begun. There is a lot of parity this year, despite some behemoths at the top of the rankings. Conference play is always intense, with rivalries being renewed on a weekly basis. Get into it now so you can prepare yourself for the GOAT of tourneys in March.
Don’t have a team to follow? That’s ok. Just watch! College Basketball has some of the best announcers in all of sports. Dan Schulman was robbed of the play by play announcer position for Monday Night Football this past year so if you wanna know what could’ve been, watch him any night on ESPN.
There’s also no way you cannot feel joy when you hear Gus Johnson’s voice
Oh and I almost forgot about this kid who can ball.
The NHL does a terrible job marketing itself so I’m gonna do it for them.
Hockey is very similar to football. There’s a lot of hard hitting between extremely athletic individuals. There’s also fighting, which is not allowed in football, so that’s a plus!
With All-Star Weekend just behind us, teams are starting to see the Playoff light at the end of the tunnel. Play will pick up, the game will get faster, which is super fun and exciting to watch.
Also this guy is a ref and will make you smile whenever you need him too.
This syndicated radio show host is like your second mother. Her soothing voice is so comforting it can put you to sleep peacefully, which is a problem since I only listen to her in the car. She’s incredibly inspiring and full of good advice. But have a box of tissues nearby because happy tears occur when listening to her.
Get a dog
Pretty straight forward here. Dogs are a man’s best friend. They were specifically put on this Earth to make people happy. Unlike cats, they are friendly, smart, and incredibly good boys.
They also are really good at tasks. Like fetching things, saving lives, or helping you win the Iditarod. It’s been proven that winning the Iditarod is a very joyous experience.
“Place Your Ad Here”
“Place Your Ad Here” is such a wonderful product. It has truly changed my life. If you feel lost after your team has been eliminated, get “Place Your Ad Here.” You will feel found. I guarantee immense amounts of happiness or your money back!
Use promo code “TheTurf” to get 20% off your next purchase of “Place Your Ad Here.”
I hope these suggestions help. It’s always tough when your team’s Super Bowl dreams are crushed. But this free advice should help ease the pain.
- / 1 month ago
Calling all degenerates! Welcome to the life of turmoil and fading glory.