We are almost a quarter of the way through the NFL regular season already. Pretty wild if you ask me. You know what else is pretty wild? The Cleveland Browns have a winning record for the first time in six years.
That’s right folks, it took them 90 weeks to finally get a winning record for the first time since Week 15 of the 2014 season. Cleveland fans might want to go out and celebrate this one HARD on Saturday night, because I don’t think you’ll be above .500 for long.
The Cowboys are going to be that kid on the beach who comes over to wreck your sandcastles as soon as you are done building them. Cleveland, I hate to break it to you, but I think you’re going to have your sandcastles destroyed this Sunday afternoon.
But hey, things could be worse. You could be the Atlanta Falcons.
Rather than having someone else destroy their sandcastles, the Falcons end up building the Taj Mahal of sandcastles only to trip over a plastic shovel and fall on it completely destroying it themselves. The Atlanta Falcons are like the guy who goes to the casino or the horse races and goes up $10,000 but somehow leaves $50,000 in the hole.
Basically, I think I trust the Falcons to hold a lead as much as I trust a 20-year-old frat boy at STATE (because that’s a real fucking college, right) to hold his liquor by 11:30PM. State…”oh my boy goes to State.” Which one? There are fifty states to choose from, I’m not about to go through all fifty pal. (This is the part where I really hope people reading this know that I am just joking around here).
Anyway, enough about sandcastles, casinos, and frat boys. Let’s get to the picks, shall we?
Week 3 Picks: 8-8
Season Picks Record: 33-15
Broncos at Jets (Thursday Night Football)
I think I’d rather watch bad reality TV than this football game. But then again is there really such a thing as “bad” reality TV? Oh wait, there is, it’s just called reality TV.
Speaking of reality, the reality is that the New York Jets are the worst team in football. They’re so bad that the Broncos thought “You know what, I think we’re going to start a quarterback who we have already cut twice before, and who has never taken a single snap in an NFL game.”
Brett Rypien will get the start, and you know what, why not? Because if you are going to start a quarterback who has never played in an NFL game before, you might as well do it on a Thursday night against the worst team in the league.
If the Jets lose this game, I am not sure how Adam Gase sticks around. But we may find out soon because I think Denver is actually going to win this game, and Rypien will carry a 1-0 record into Week 5…better than the Browns. Also, this game will happen before this gets published, but I am going on record here to take Denver. Broncos win 20-16.
Colts at Bears
Foles came in for Mitch Trubisky last week against the Falcons, and threw three TDs in the fourth quarter to rally the Bears back from a 16-point deficit to edge out the Falcons. Foles certainly knows a thing or two about coming in for bad or injured starting quarterbacks and lighting the world on fire.
I would imagine Foles will get the start here against Indy, but I like the mentor to get the best of his mentee.
With a little luck…
The Bears are also one of those teams who could very easily be 0-3. First off, Deandre Swift drops a perfect pass from Matt Stafford in the end zone that would have won the game for Detroit in Week 1.
In Week 2, the Bears played the Giants, and just one quarter into the game Saquon Barkley goes down with an ACL injury. The Giants offense was basically depleted at that point. And still, the Bears almost lost the game.
Then in Week 3, the Bears were in real deep shit, but played the Atlanta Falcons who don’t know how to play football with a lead.
So, the Bears are 3-0, but I think they’re about to lose their first game of the season against a team who is 2-1, who actually should probably be 3-0. Colts win 34-27.
Jaguars at Bengals
Joe Burrow and the Jaguars lost to the Chargers by 3, the Browns by 5, and tied the Eagles. So Burrow has been CLOSE, and I think he finally pushes forward and gets his first NFL career win. And the Jaguars are lucky they have a win under their belt. A high-scoring shootout results in a Cincy win at home. Bengals win 35-30.
Browns at Cowboys
The Cowboys (speaking of teams who should be 0-3) will host the Browns this Sunday. Cleveland fans will probably be hungover from their celebration of being over .500 for the first time in forever. But not even the best hair of the dog can save them from experiencing what will be an absolute blowout in Jerry World. Cowboys win 32-17.
Saints at Lions
The Saints have lost their past two games. It is actually the first time in three years the Saints have lost consecutive games. That’s incredible.
However, Michael Thomas returned to practice recently, so that’s good news for the Saints. It is still unclear whether he will be available for this week’s game, but you have to at least recognize that this is a positive direction for New Orleans, because they have been missing Thomas big time.
I think Detroit is going to fight and keep this game close, because the Saints defense has not been playing well at all lately and the Lions offense can definitely put up points. However, I do think New Orleans will take care of the ball and be able to pull off a tight victory, with or without Thomas. Saints win 27-26.
Seahawks at Dolphins
Dolphins are coming off a long rest from playing last Thursday night. Miami has a sneaky decent defense, but I just don’t think they will be able to stop Russell Wilson. Even without Chris Carson, I expect Seattle to have no problems. Wilson is playing at an MVP level right now. Seahawks win 23-10.
Chargers at Buccaneers
Injuries are already starting to pile up for the Chargers, who seem to always be struggling to fight the injury bug. On the defensive side of the ball, Joey Bosa is battling a triceps and ankle injury, and now Chris Harris Jr is on the IR with a foot injury that could keep him sidelined for six weeks. Additionally, there have been injuries along the offensive line, and Mike Williams is dealing with a hamstring injury.
Even still, however, I like the Bucs to get it done at home. Their defense has been playing better recently and Tom Brady is looking more comfortable leading this Tampa offense. Buccaneers win 20-14.
Ravens at Washington
Oof, poor Washington. They’re getting a very good Ravens team who just got humiliated on Monday Night Football by the Chiefs. The Ravens will be out for blood this week. I expect a major rebound from Baltimore here. Ravens win 36-21.
Cardinals at Panthers
Kyler Murray had his first bad performance of the season last week against Detroit. The Panthers, meanwhile, grabbed their first win last week against the Chargers. I think this could be a close game, but I am just not sure if Matt Rhule is going to have an answer for Murray and his playmaking. Cardinals win 23-21.
Vikings at Texans
Both of these teams are 0-3 and both have played opponents who currently have a combined 8-1 record. So which one of these teams will get their first win? I think it’s Houston. They’re home…they have the better quarterback…the Vikings o-line has been pitiful…and the Texans have the pieces along the defensive line to win that battle and give Cousins a tough time. Give me Houston to grab their first win, and the Vikings drop to 0-4. Texans win 30-23.
Giants at Rams
This could be the biggest blowout of the week. I know…and amazingly the Jets are NOT playing in this game. But the other crappy New York team is.
I’m starting to think that there should just be one New York team. I mean the Bills have more wins than the Giants and Jets combined. However, the Giants did beat the Patriots twice in the Super Bowl, so maybe just get rid of the Jets first?
Anyway, this is going to be a slugfest. Sorry Giants fans. Rams win 37-16.
Patriots at Chiefs
I know we’re all afraid to pick against Belichick and the Patriots, but there’s really no reason for me to not pick the Kansas City Chiefs right now. I mean they blasted a very good Ravens team on Monday night. Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs are just making teams look silly now. Mahomes is even throwing touchdowns to tackles. It’s not even fair anymore.
The Chiefs are clearly the best team in football. If the Patriots were at home, I think they would have a much better chance to pull off the upset, but they tend to be a much different team on the road when you draw them away from Gillette Stadium. And the Chiefs are just rolling right now.
Patriots will keep it competitive and they will try to pound the run game, but Kansas City will continue their dominance this week. Chiefs win 27-21.
Bills at Raiders
Both these defenses have struggled, but the offenses not so much. However, the Bills are actually 8th in the NFL at stopping the run. So if they can keep Josh =Jacobs in check, I think the Bills will do enough behind a streaking hot Josh Allen to grab this victory.
This game will be full of fireworks. Give me Buffalo to edge Vegas. Bills win 35-29.
Eagles at 49ers
The Eagles have been an absolute mess this season. But they do catch a really banged up 49ers team. And the Niners haven’t beaten a good team yet this year. Their two wins are against probably the two worst teams in football…who both happen to be in the state of New York.
Last season, the Eagles were 1-2 going into a Week 4 prime time game against an undefeated Green Bay Packers team. Everyone doubted the Eagles except me and I ended up picking the Eagles in that game. Well the Eagles did in fact win the game on Thursday night.
Flash forward to this week, and the Eagles have another Week 4 prime time game. And guess what…I’m picking them here again. This is where Wentz, who has been terrible, will turn things around. Give me the Eagles to get their first win of the season in a Sunday Night upset special. Eagles win 21-20.
Falcons at Packers (Monday Night Football)
Ok I’ll give you my Monday Night pick, and I’m gonna keep this real simple. The Falcons have been one of the worst defensive teams in football thus far. They’re playing a Packers team on the road who have scored at least 37 points in all three of their games this season.
I’d like to say that the Falcons will probably blow another lead, but to be honest with you there’s a chance they may never get one in this game. I do think it will be a close game though. Give me Green Bay in this one. Packers win 30-27.
Enjoy the games!
- / 1 year ago
To me, Rachel Nichols is the personification of posting a black square on Instagram.