For those of you who don’t know, the Super Bowl is this upcoming Sunday.
Also, this article is for you.
If you didn’t know that the Super Bowl was this Sunday, I think it’s safe to say you’re not much of a sports fan, let alone a football fan. And that’s ok! I completely understand that the greatest sport ever created is not for anyone.
What is not ok and what you should absolutely not do if you have the pleasure of going to a Super Bowl is utter the words…
Nothing is more infuriating or painful to listen to than that previous phrase. Well maybe, loud chewing. Actually….loud chewing is definitely is the worse. Did you know that if you hate that noise you have Misophonia? Crazy right? The things you learn when listening to podcasts.
Wait, I’ve gotten off track.
Where was I?
Please for the love of whatever you believe in do not say that phrase on Sunday. Don’t even think it. First off, it’s not even funny nor original. You aren’t the first to make that terrible joke. It’s as funny as a customer at a restaurant who tells a waiter he hated his food despite finishing the plate. The amount of people who’ve actually said that to me is preposterous. Just as preposterous as the amount of times my non-sports fans have used the term sportsball to describe football.
It’s clear that if you use this phrase you don’t care about football. Which is fine. You’re allowed to not care. I’m pretty sure the right to not caring is hidden somewhere in the First Amendment. Don’t quote me though, it’s been awhile since I was in a Civics class.
But there’s absolutely no reason to make a scene about it. Everyone at the Super Bowl party already knows you’re only there for the vegan Buffalo Chicken Dip and a shirtless Adam Levine.
Again, it’s fine if that’s the only reason why you are there. Nobody at the party cares. We are too busy watching the main event. But to steal focus by fake cheering and proclaiming you don’t care about the game is just going to piss off everyone around you.
I know nothing about ballet.
Nor do I really care to know anything about it,. I have filled my brain with so much useless sports information that I have no more room for actual culture. If I were to ever go to a ballet, I definitely wouldn’t make it about myself and my ignorance about the art by saying “Yay Slipper Dancing,” or some other lazy attempt of making a joke.
So why do people who know nothing about sports feel the need to let the world know they know nothing about sports? How self-centered are you? Leave the look at me moments to the Instagram stories of your dog or self-promoting your latest cabaret.
The Super Bowl is, in all intents and purposes, a holiday to share with family and friends. It’s an opportunity to bring everyone together and be merry with food and drink. There’s something for everyone. There is football, commercials, and a concert. You don’t get that anywhere else. Please don’t let your ignorance show. It’s unbecoming of you.
Enjoy the FOOTBALL game. If you give it a chance, you might actually like it.
Read the rebuttal from Turf Managing Editor Ned Donovan
- / 3 days ago
Literal Angels in the Outfield.