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The Greatest Trick Kirk Cousins Ever Pulled Was Convincing Viking’s Fans He Was Good

I will be referring to Mr. Cousins as Kurt for this piece and the foreseeable future.

Kirk Cousins by Keith Allison is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

The Greatest Trick Kirk Cousins Ever Pulled Was Convincing Viking’s Fans He Was Good


Estimated Reading Time: 3 Minutes

Before we get started here, I will be referring to Mr. Cousins as Kurt for this piece and the foreseeable future. My reasoning below:

Over the past three weeks, Kurt Cousins has been nothing short of incredible.  He has totaled 945 passing yards, 8 TDs and only 1 INT. The Vikings are 3-0 over this stretch and 5-2 on the season.  The naysayers (me) will remind you that they played three garbage teams in the Giants, Eagles, and Lions (they did) and that none of these games were in primetime (they weren’t). 

Kurt has a long and illustrious history of putting up gaudy numbers against the pointless and completely turtling against the relevant. Especially on the big stage. He did this with the Washington Professional Football Team and he’s doing it now with the Vikings.  In his 7th NFL season, I feel fairly safe in saying that this is just who Kurt is.

Let me be very clear about something.  I am a Vikings fan. It was a terrible decision I made as a child but I made it and now must live with it.  Sure, I grew up in Iowa with no pro sports teams and had my pick of the proverbial litter but that horse has been beaten to death here.

I love this stupid team so much and their failures hurt more than they should for a man of my age. 

My head knows that this franchise will never win anything significant but my dumb-dumb stupid heart is easily manipulated.  They are destined to make a heartbreaking run once every few years just to make it hurt all the more when they fail. Tiptoeing around relevance year after year just to have things eventually go the way everyone knows it inevitably will. 

This Thursday night, Kurt and the Vikings will take on the aforementioned Washington Professional Football Team.  While this satisfies one of my stipulations (primetime), it falls well short of checking the ‘team that isn’t a walking joke and doesn’t make you question the direction of your life for spending even a second purposely watching them let alone rooting for them’ box.  Both of these things must occur incongruence. There will be many people who get sucked in even more when Kurt goes nuts on this embarrassing franchise because he ‘finally did it on the big stage!’ but not me. I will not get pulled into his bullshit.

I realize I am being quite negative here (my brand) but I spent all last season attempting to talk myself into this Kurt thing being a good idea and him doing everything possible to make me feel foolish.  The money has been spent and the contract isn’t going anywhere. I want to be wrong here. I would LOVE to be wrong here.

But, like usual, I’m not.

The Vikings don’t play a real team until the beginning of December when they will travel to Seattle (they play a Mahomesless Chiefs squad next week, but without my guy Pat it does not count).  Nothing would thrill me more than to write a thousand-word apology to Kurt right here but those Google alerts will not be going off anytime soon.

At least tomorrow night should be fun. Kurt Cousins revenge game.

Prove me wrong Kurt, prove me wrong (he won’t).

Josh grew up in the midwest and upon graduating from the University of Iowa he wanted to see the world. After 4 years in Jacksonville he decided he was cultured enough and moved on to Birmingham England (known to the locals as the Detroit of the UK) and then west to San Francisco before settling in NYC. He pays his bills working in finance making sure the 1% remains on top. When he is not selling his soul and unable to look himself in the mirror, he spends his time writing mean things about sports while his dog, Sweet Dee, silently judges from her spot on the couch. He is very biased and never wrong. He would also like to thank Rotowire for never changing their NBA League Pass and MLB.TV passwords from that year when he was an NBA Beat Writer for the Nuggets for some reason.

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