There’s a new bandit running loose on the PGA tour. He’s causing havoc and breaking rules. His antics on the course make those of Happy Gillmore look sophisticated and civilized. The wickedness of his heart is easily seen in his lefty stance.
His name, Phil Mickelson, and he is becoming the baddest boy in all of the PGA.
Look at that total disregard for the rules. Just stomping on grass so he can get a better flight path, acting as if he didn’t know if it was illegal or not. Uhhhhh, you’ve been on the Tour since 1992 Mr. Mickelson. Quick math tells me that’s 26 years. You’re telling me that you don’t know every detail of the official PGA rule book? You don’t read it every night to put you asleep? That’s completely unacceptable! What are you teaching the kids? How can they be asked to follow the rules if their role models don’t? You have a duty to the game, Mr. Mickelson, to uphold the integrity established in the 15th century. I feel, Mr. Mickelson, you don’t appreciate the history of the game. A little bit of it died, along with some of that grass, when you stomped your shoe in the ground.
Wait a minute, did someone catch me putting on my last outing?
Oh no, that’s just Mr. Mickelson, going rogue on the Tour. I’ll give you a chance to give Phil the benefit of the doubt with the foot stomping. But this, Phil knew exactly what he was doing. He knew it was against the rules. He even told reporters after the round that the two-stroke penalty would’ve given him a better score than if he let the ball keep rolling. That’s cheating!! At a major tournament!! I mean, this was no Joe Shmo hacking up his local country club and moving his ball for a better lie when his playing partner is not looking. This is a world-renowned player, on national TV, hitting his ball back so he can get a better score. The worst part? He didn’t even apologize until 4 days after the incident. In the most gentlemen sport of all gentlemen sports, that wasn’t very gentlemanly of Mr. Mickelson.
What makes matters worse is that Mr. Mickelson is living a second life. In 2014, the Wall Street Journal reported that the FBI and SEC were investigating Mr. Mickelson for a crime similar for putting the beloved Martha Stewart behind bars. Mr. Mickelson denies any wrong-doing but the simple fact that the simple fact that the FBI was investigating him should have struck the fear of God in him and made him live a more pure life.
Mr. Mickelson is not far from riding his putter like a horse and punching Bob Barker in the face. Keep your eyes out for him, he’s considered armed (with a driver) and dangerous (to the rules of the game). If we don’t contain him now, we may never be able to.
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