It’s going to be a tough time as a Pittsburgh sports fan in the coming years. The Steelers don’t know who their quarterback is going to be next year. The Pirates starting lineup is abysmal and the Penguins are hanging on to dear life for relevancy. For these reasons (and others), I need a soccer team to follow.

When I lived in New York, I kind of followed NYCFC but that wasn’t really fun besides going to the games. There is an entirely untapped market that I need to expand into, but I don’t know where to start. Can someone help me find a European football club?

I know all the basics and terminology so I don’t need a complete refresher, I just need a team. I played soccer my whole life but my fandom didn’t begin until 2010 with the USMNT and soon after, the far superior USWNT. Latching on to players like Jozy Altidore and Oguchi Onyewu, was fun for a bit but they were pretty underwhelming: lots of hype, mediocre careers. The USWNT is amazing but I only really watch during the Olympics or The World Cup. With that said, which team can I regularly follow?

Serie A

I work for an Italian company, founded in Milan, with colleagues who are pretty divided with their clubs. My boss is a Juventus fan but I’ve spent too much time making fun of them (as he’s done to the Steelers), so I can’t latch on to them now. A good buddy of mine at the company is an Inter Milan fan so it’s an option but I want to be more original than that. Staying with that affinity to Milan could land me at AC Milan, but is that like picking the Yankees of Serie A? Zlatan Ibrahimovic and I both had knee surgery from the same doctor so I should be able to do this, right?

Barclays Premier League

Moving west brings me to the Premier League, as most American soccer fans find a home there. The Spurs have a pretty sweet logo and I kind of want the hat. Chelsea has Christian Pulisic on the team, Manchester City has Zach Steffen. Given my propensity to follow American players, could one of these be my choice? Manchester United is a storied franchise with some of the greatest players ever to play the game. Liverpool is Christian Heilman’s favorite team. Arsenal is also a team I know. That’s a start!

Someone help me find a home. I want to claim a club and have something to watch on Saturday mornings besides Fresh Prince of Bel-Air reruns. I think the winner is above but I need your input. Convince me and I will be forever grateful. Or at least I’ll buy a hat.