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What I Learned from March Madness

What I Learned from March Madness


Estimated Reading Time: 4 Minutes

With the Final Four one day away, I thought it would be appropriate to look back at March Madness 2018 to appreciate all that we’ve all that we’ve witnessed, learned and will forget by next year.

  • Never bet on UVA to win the whole tournament. They’ll break your heart and be the first 1 seed to lose to a 16. That loss must’ve been a bummer for people out there that had UVA as their national champion in three brackets, which I definitely didn’t do. Just kidding I picked them to win in each of my brackets.
UVA March Madness Basketball NCAA

Whoops!

  • By purchasing one out of every three ads during the tournament, Samsung has ruined Bruno Mars for me. And for that, I will never forgive them.

  • Just because a team plays really well in their first four game, it doesn’t mean you should pick them to win in the round of 64. Looking at you, everyone that chose St. Bon to win against Florida.
  • UMBC has a mascot named True Grit and I’m a big fan of that. That is all.
  • Steph Curry apparently played for Davidson once. Who knew!

  • Buffalo did the NCAA a huge favor by beating Arizona in the first round. It saved the NCAA from having to go back and vacate Arizona’s wins when their investigation finishes up. Pretty nice of Buffalo to help the NCAA out like that.

  • Charges will decide at least two games each tournament. And Twitter will always be split 50/50 on them every time. Every. Time.
  • Never bet against a team that is blessed by a nun. Especially a cool nun

Because that is the team of destiny. And the team of destiny comes into March Madness with one goal, and one goal only: destroy your bracket by beating every team in their path no matter the opponents regular season record.

Miami, Tennessee, Nevada and Kansas State had a combined 103-35 record in ’17-’18. Loyola obviously went 4-0 against those teams in the tournament because #ThisIsMarch

  • Purdue has a factory somewhere in the midwest. And in that factory, they genetically engineer and produce blonde, white, 7′ big men.

  • Cincinnati and Xavier came into this tournament with hopes of meeting in the Final Four. But then Nevada and their identical twins stormed back to beat Cincy after being down by more than 20:

March Madness NCA Nevada vs Cincy

And then Florida State happened to Xavier. Both teams’ fans were shocked, saddened, and in need of a few of Rhinegeist’s finest brews to get their spirits back up. On the bright side, at least those fans can go back to rooting for Lebron, who is leaving for LA. But at least you have the…Browns! Yikes. Keep your chin up, Ohio sports fans.

  • Having one good player is great, but not enough to win in March. Sorry Oklahoma. Best of luck to Trae in the G-League.

  • If Jim Boeheim gets a cut, he bleeds orange. That is what happens when you spend 74 PERCENT of your life somewhere. Thanks for the hot tip, Darren.

  • Tom Izzo is officially on the hot seat
  • Basketball games, and pretty much every other game, are way more fun when the players are the focus. The second the refs get a hankering for some camera time and start calling every bump a foul, I want to throw my remote at the TV. More transition buckets and slam dunks in March Madness, less bald dudes aggressively humping the air.
  • When your team is going to lose, even if you foul to delay the inevitable, you just let the clock run out and let the alumni that bet your team +4.5 collect their winnings. Them’s the rules. But that doesn’t mean you won’t get questioned about it by Dana Jacobson:

  • Kansas is pretty damn good at basketball, and when they’re playing Duke you should always take Kansas +3.5. Those are just the rules.
  • Basketball won’t be as fun without Ted Cru-, I mean Grayson Allen playing for Duke. Just like Purdue has their factory churning out corn fed 7′ players, I hope Duke keeps their factory running. You know, the one that churns out hatable white point guards. You know the one.

Grayson Allen

  • Villanova is a very good basketball team that is lead by a ginger that can dunk and can win a game even when they shoot 16.7%. I’m not sure which of those facts is more impressive.
  • Michigan is trying to make the Final Four a battle of the elderly, and I’m intrigued. Halftime may just be some slow fisticuffs between Sister Jean and Jalen Rose’s grandma.

  • Social media accounts that try to relate to “the youths” by throwing a crying emoji (see above) on a Tweet always make me think of this gif *crying face emoji* *poop emoji*:

How Do you Do My Fellow Kids

  • Chris Webber is probably the most infuriating college basketball announcer I’ve ever heard. And I think most fans in BBN agree with me.

  • When all is said and done, we’ll most likely end up with a 3 vs 1 in the National Championship game on Monday. March Madness may be crazy to start, but at the end it always seems to even out. Here’s hoping sister Jean can prove me wrong.

Mark was raised outside of Boston, so his favorite socks are red and the only Giants he'll ever like are the little ones. He currently manages a sales team in Arlington, VA and spends most of his time outside of work creating impossibly complex 8 game parlays that blow up in his face. It's so much fun. He has been writing about sports since starting his own blog, Don't Think Just Throw in 2014 and is excited to be a part of The Turf.

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