Happy Sunday Morning, everyone. It’s been an awesome week in sports, specifically the World Cup, but there have been some shocking occurrences all over, so without further ado, let’s Muse!
The End of an Era
Tony Parker is leaving San Antonio. For anyone who followed Basketball during the height of the San Antonio Spurs’ prowess, that is a sad day for Basketball. The 17 year veteran (all of them for the Spurs) agreed to a $10M 2-year deal with the Charlotte Hornets that will have him in a featured role behind Kemba Walker. The Spurs Hall of Famer played in a career low 55 games last year, as the Spurs looked to the future with Dejounte Murray.
It’s hard to watch the greats leave their teams, and someone who has been with the same team since the 2001 season is especially notable. However as Parker enters the final stages of his career, taking a job with a team that allows him to stay relevant, rather than a pure mentorship role makes sense. There’s no question that he will retire as a Spur, and when that happens, they should retire his number. Still, for those who remember the dominance of the greatest team-ball playing team in the league, Tony Parker’s departure is the final nail in the the coffin of the Spurs era.
How’s that Deal Look Now, Red Sox Fans?
Remember when J.D. Martinez signed with the Red Sox, and everyone hemmed and hawed at the price-tag? (Author’s Note: Looking at you, Ryan Kelly) Well we can finally say that the experiment was a success. He leads MLB in Home Runs AND RBIs. (What’s that? Ryan Kelly has an official response? Well then take it away)
“JD Martinez is making me eat my words about his contract with Boston, and I couldn’t be happier. He’s leading baseball in home runs and RBIs (and in RBIs, it’s not even close). They haven’t had this kind of feared hitter in the middle of the lineup since Manny/Ortiz in their primes, like I’m glued to each of his at bats. Here’s to hoping he can keep it up in the second half.” – Ryan Kelly
This just in, our Detroit Tigers fan writers are chiming in. Let’s head over to them. Take it away, guys.
“as a Tiger’s fan, I feel nothing but bitterness.” – Andrew Wilhelm
“Andrew Mark Wilhelm, legit basically what I wrote about this week. No joke” – Katie Pierce
Sounds like there are some bitter fans out there. We’ll report more on this issue as it comes in. In other news, go Red Sox.
Don’t Read the Comments
I have a question, and maybe this is going to open a can of worms here, but why do people say “go back to writing something you know.” Like…what is that response? Now Ned, you’ll say, just don’t read the comments. Well I’d like to, but I’m also the Managing Editor for this site, and yesterday, Joseph Dalfonso (no stranger to controversy, this one) posted an article on the absurdity of World Cup flopping. The article is aptly titled “World Cup Flopping”. In comes [NAME REDACTED] (Author’s Note: if you really care, he used his name in his comment, click through to the article if you wish) with a comment that is just straight vehemently attacking Joseph. Including the phrase “Go back to writing about something you might know something about.” And I just find the phrase so ODD.
How is that your critique? If you don’t like what you’re reading, we have a big bold “Write With Us” page with a submission form and everything. Come write for us! We don’t bite, we’re pretty cool, and the other day Albert Pujols’ foundation followed us on Instagram. So, you know, we’re cool!
Here’s a song by Jonathan Coulton that I take to heart in these moments.
Okay. Rant over. BACK TO SPORTS.
Who Writes Headlines?
Serena Williams is one the greatest athletes of all time. Full stop. Don’t agree with me? You’re wrong. But feel free to leave a comment about it. So imagine my surprise when I saw this headline in The Telegraph yesterday.
Forgetful? I was fully intrigued. So like a good clickbaiter, I clicked through. Why is she forgetful? What did she do in the match that makes her forgetful? Did she forget to swing the racket? Did she forget to put a second ball in her spandex for a second serve? What was the act of defeating Mladenovic in straight sets that makes her forgetful? The Telegraph reports:
“Asked to clarify an earlier statement, in which she had suggested that she was playing with nothing to lose, Williams replied “I don’t necessarily have to win another Wimbledon in my career, saying I won – was it six times?”
“It was seven,” came the answer from the assembled reporters. “Okay,” said Williams. “See, I don’t even remember.”
The next line in the article? “Williams has been superbly focused here”. Guys. How is this exchange what gives you the first word in your Headline? Let’s try it again. Here we go.
Most Dominant Tennis Player of All Time Hilariously Loses Track Of Just How Dominant She Is.
This feels better. It includes the word Dominant twice in the headline. Do better, Telegraph author Simon Briggs. Or is it Molly McElwee, in charge of the Live Updates? I say this because this headline was adjusted from an earlier version. Why do I know that? Because when I put the link into facebook yesterday, it auto-populated a different headline that I sadly didn’t save. In order to make a point, I used the Facebook Debugger tool which faithfully updated to the most recent headline.
Do better, McElwee. Do better.
Zach LaVine is getting PAID….Wait, Why?
Yesterday it was announced that the Bulls have matched the offer sheet for Zach LaVine from the Sacramento Kings, and brought him back to Chicago. This would be exciting if it weren’t for…you know what? Deadspin said it better than I could. Quick quote from Chris Thompson:
The Bulls and Kings, two teams roughly as far from NBA relevance as possible, spent Friday in a brief tug-of-war over the right to pay huge sums of money for the services of Zach LaVine, a butt player with zero track record of contributing to anything even approaching functional professional basketball. In an act of what could only be mercy, the Bulls exercised their right of first refusal and grabbed LaVine back from Sacramento, on a four-year, $78 million contract.
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Sports Fans are the Worst
Okay, HERE come the comments. Let me clarify. I like sports fans, I am a sports fan. However there’s this thing that Sports fans do that REALLY needs to be tamped down on. Breaking s**t when they win. Here’s a look at an IKEA in England after their victory over Sweden.
— محسن (@KingMo786) July 7, 2018
Here’s a look at an Ambulance car in London
We're delighted with the result, but this has put a big dampener on the celebrations for us: while our officer attended a call nearby, this car was damaged in Borough High Street during the celebrations after the game – it's now off the road to be repaired. pic.twitter.com/V71kOEn4OO
— London Ambulance (@Ldn_Ambulance) July 7, 2018
Sports fans. Be better. It’s a goddamned Ambulance. It’s probably helping someone you beat up in your happiness.
Nascar Crashes and Burns
There was a crash yesterday on the course of the Coke Zero Sugar 400 Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series race at Daytona International Speedway. Hold up, I need to take a breath. What is the name of this race? Oh that’s right, the Coke Zero Sugar 400 Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series race. We have too many sponsors, the name is too long, and even if Coke Zero has no sugar, Monster Energy literally has enough to send a man to the moon. So, it all averages out, right? Okay, anyways my point.
— NASCAR (@NASCAR) July 8, 2018
THIS IS ANARCHY. NASCAR has never been my sport, it doesn’t entirely make sense to me why anyone would want to watch it, but I can’t look away from the absurdity that is EVERY SINGLE CAR FLAMING AND WEAVING AND HITTING GRASS AND WALLS AND EACH OTHER.
So, you know, NASCAR is still cool, I guess.
Sports Fans are the Best
You couldn’t think that my above section wasn’t going to go answered, did you? DID YOU LEAVE A COMMENT WITHOUT READING THE REST?! Serves you right. Add a reply.
After losing in heartbreaking fashion to Belgium, the Japanese fans cleaned the stadium. That’s right, despite a loss that could have easily gone the other way, they were seen walking through the stadium with trash bags, cleaning up after themselves.
This is my favourite moment of the World Cup so far; Japan fans picking up litter after their victory vs Columbia. The lessons in life we can take from the game. Why I support 🇯🇵 #class✅#respect✅#WorldCup pic.twitter.com/FyYLhAGDbi
— Christopher McKaig (@Coachmckaig) June 19, 2018
The Japanese team left their locker room spotless, and a message for their Russian hosts.
This is how Japan left the changing room after losing vs. Belgium. Spotless and with a ‘thank you’ note in Russian.
Pure class. 👏 pic.twitter.com/CGj7a1iiXy
— ESPN FC (@ESPNFC) July 3, 2018
That’s what makes me love sports. That’s what makes me love sports fans. So English fans in IKEA? Be better. [NAME REDACTED]? Maybe think about this story before you write a comment. Make the world, (and comment sections) a better place.