Gather ‘round, children, it’s All Star review time. As every episode will do, we rejoin the queens entering the Werk Room after the devastating consensus vote eliminated Mariah. She’s just such a poised and gorgeous queen and I’m going to miss having her on my screen every week. We recount the votes, and see with Jujubee’s vote, there were four for Mariah, two for Shea and one for India. Mayhem says she voted for Shea because she thought the whole group was going to vote for her to eliminate the strongest competitor in the season. So no, Shea wouldn’t be Manila-d this time. Alexis says she voted for Shea because she couldn’t vote for her season 3 sister. And I guess that’s also why she didn’t vote for India? Even though that would have been the better option, overall. Although India won the first challenge, she is starting to become the Roxxxy Andrews of All Stars 2, who kept getting saved week after week even though she underperformed the house down boots. Am I saying that right? Underperformed?
This week, the challenge is an improv comedy challenge called She-MZ. This, clearly, is a parody of TMZ in which the queens will play in scenes where they’re D-list celebrity drag queens who are caught by the paparazzi. The funniest bit about the challenge was the wraparound they filmed where the queens were in boy mode acting like super douches. They were mocking toxic masculinity and I was here. For. It. All of it. Every second of every ounce of it. At one point, boy Shea said “We’re garbage.” And if I could have given a standing ovation, I would have. But, this has been a long week, y’all, and my gay ass was not getting off that couch if it didn’t need to.
Scenes from a West Hollywood Parking Lot
The scenes were…fine? Of the three, the best was Jujubee, Cracker and Blair. Jujubee was Blair’s drag mom who was accused of working with Cracker to scam Blair into Drag U, parodying the Aunt Becky bribing scandal. Juju and Cracker were quite good together and had damn good chemistry. And Blair was there! Alexis and Shea as two fired Fake Housewives of Tuckahoe getting into a fight and both feigning pregnancy was ok.
But India and Mayhem’s scene was so awkward. India is a shoplifter and Mayhem is the shop girl who confronts here. The funniest part of the scene doesn’t come until the end when India drops the allegedly stolen vases from between her legs. I mean, that’s just always going to be funny. But the, I don’t know, three hours of bad improv involving a licking addiction leading up to it made me want to leave my couch and never come back.
Didn’t See That One Coming
The runway theme was camouflage couture and the looks for the most part knocked it out of the park. However, it should be no surprise that the bottom two were India and Mayhem. What surprised me was Cracker was the top All Star of the week. I’m shocked only because I thought Juju was better, but, then again, I’m not the producers pushing the season along, am I?
Cracker goes up against lip sync assassin Morgan McMichaels, who is one of Mayhem’s best squirrelfriends from the club scene. Both she and Cracker lay some tricks down to Rihanna’s “Where Have You Been?”, including Cracker doing some very White People™ style break dancing. It was a close one, I thought, but was relieved to hear Ru say Morgan was the winner. And then I was confused to hear Cracker was also a winner. So, she gets the $20,000 tip and both the group vote queen and Cracker’s choice will be eliminated. Am I finally going to get my double elimination on All Stars? No, no I am not. All seven queens, Mayhem herself, voted for Mayhem to leave.
After her elimination, Mayhem tells Michelle Visage that she didn’t think it was fair for India to be eliminated over her. I call shenanigans and tomfoolery. Two self-voted eliminations in one season is not the way I want this All Stars to go down. But again, not the producer.
Next week we get everyone’s least favorite incarnation of everyone’s most favorite challenge: Snatch Game of Love! While I was hoping we’d get Snatch Game: Eliminated Queens vs. Remaining Queens, I guess we’ll just have to see what Ru has in mind for their Rudemption. Stay thirsty, hunties.
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