I’m very sorry for the delay in writing this piece. I’ve been on vacation from my 9-5 since this weekend and I haven’t been able to figure out what day it was or where I’ve been for the last 72 hours. That’s the level of confusion I left Episode 5 of All Stars with, and what I am still baffled by!
It’s All in the Edit
The prior episode ended with, ultimately, Mayhem’s self-elimination. BenDeLaCreme found unshaken. The gals gather, rightfully, to discuss that voting for yourself is a sign of weakness. Had Mayhem remained in the competition, it would have looked like she was giving up. So Mayhem’s elimination is valid. Or is it? India has been in the bottom three episodes in a row and has yet to be eliminated. I’m getting the Roxxxy Andrews/Chi Chi Devayne edit on her, without the character redemption or likability. Will this episode be her undoing?
Yay, immediately followed by Boo
The maxi challenge we all know and year for has arrived: Snatch Game! This is a parody of the 70s megahit game show, Match Game. The queens do celebrity impersonations and try to fill in the blanks to match the usually celebrity contestants. Except this season, as in All Stars 4, it becomes its redheaded stepsister: Snatch Game of Love. This is more of a parody of The Dating Game, where a celebrity asks provocative questions and the queens improv answers as celebrity “snatchelorettes”.
At this point in the series, you’re getting a pretty good idea of who’s going to do well, and who’s going to bomb. And oh boy, were the bombs just awful. Miz Cracker’s Lady Gaga looked perfect in her Oscars gown, but as one of the judges stated, she was Cracker dressed as Gaga playing Cracker. Blair St Clair was, at best, Kate McKinnon’s SNL impersonation of Justin Beiber doing Kate McKinnon’s SNL impersonation of Ellen. The summary: it just wasn’t funny. But the biggest stinker of all was (drum roll, please): India Ferrah as internet makeup heaux, Jeffree Star. You can google her; I expended enough energy watching this already.
I bet you didn’t see that coming
The top queens were exactly who you’d suspect. Alexis Mateo’s parody of Walter Mercado was so spot on. I, like guest judge Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman, did not know who Mercado was at the start, but know now exactly who he is. It was hysterical! Bonus: she even got to call Cracker a dumb bitch after Cracker answered a question intended for Alexis.
However, no one could have expected the pure chemistry of Jujubee’s Eartha Kitt and Shea Coulee’s Flava Flav. Two of my favorite moments from the episode came from these two. First was Eartha Kitt being a sexy bullfrog, convincing the bachelor to kiss her and turn her into a princess in which she responded: “Ribbit, ribbit. I am a sexy bullfrog. I am convincing you.” Second was Flava Flav’s love poem to the bachelor: “Roses are red, Buses are yellow, I just realized, That you are a fella!” ACTUAL COMEDY. I had missed thee.
The runway was Prom Queen Fantasy, and everyone had good looks. The best look was the winner of the episode, of course, Shea Coulee. She wore a prom dress and crown made of rose petals and shaped like the bucket of pig’s blood falling on Carrie. It was an homage to her unexpected loss against Sasha Velour in Season 9’s Lip Sync for the Crown. It was pure art.
The latest All Star twist, (that I for some reason called at the beginning of the episode, prompted of nothing) was that going forward, if you are not the top All Star of the week, you are in danger of elimination. So despite Jujubee and Alexis doing well, they could be eliminated. And now, dear readers, is where we get to the title of the piece. India, as either a last “good” deed or stunning act of cowardice, decides to have a one on one with Shea. She lets her know that when Shea was in the bottom, Alexis and Mayhem tried to get India to vote for Shea to eliminate her instead of Mariah. And girl, wigs FLEW. Well, not literally. The goal is for them to stay on their heads. But you know what I mean.
Get my POPCORN
Shea asks Alexis for the truth in front of the other queens, and Alexis denies it up and down the river. The voting happens, and we move to the mainstage where we learn the lip sync assassin this week is Vanessa Vanjie Mateo. For the uninitiated, she is Miss Vanjie, the first queen eliminated from Season 10, top 5 for Season 11, and Alexis’ drag daughter! What that means is that Alexis mentored Vanjie and likely put her in drag for the first time and is a member of Alexis’ drag family. So, if India’s plan worked, and Vanjie is holding Alexis’ lipstick and she wins, this could be very awkward and very sad. And you can see that real possibility in Alexis’ face.
The lip sync is to Madonna’s Open Your Heart and while not as “out of the park” as last week’s, it’s still a tough call at the end of it. Ultimately, Ru decides that Shea wins, gets $10,000, and gets to eliminate her chosen queen, India. FINALLY.
India leaves the stage telling all the queens to “Be Honest” and telling Shea that she wasn’t lying. I don’t know who to believe anymore, but I’m hopeful that some editor somewhere has the footage and is waiting to deliver it to us thirsty fans. Next week, we have the first DESIGN challenge of the season, and it’s a ball! The queens will deliver multiple runway looks and it feels like it will be a very good chance for the remaining queens to show us what they’ve got. Now there’s the All Stars I’ve been looking for. Until next week, racers!
- / 10 months ago
To me, Rachel Nichols is the personification of posting a black square on Instagram.