Greetings from Canada: our country’s attic accessory unit. We begin this week’s episode, as we always do, by discussing the previous queen’s elimination. In an effort to annoy all of the other queens, but Priyanka in particular, Kiara’s lipstick mirror message was written with an entire tube of lipstick. She completed her message with “have fun cleaning this off”. We stan the pettiness.
In a new recurring prologue moment that I hope stays forever, Priyanka states who she feels is her biggest competition. She names Jimbo, Rita & Lemon as her main rivals on the basis that all four of them have at least one challenge win. Since Scarlett, BOA and Ilona have no wins under their tucking panties, Priyanka doesn’t find them competition. The NERVE.
In the Werk Room the next day, we are treated to some unseen footage. As BOA was announced to be safe, Stacey gave her a warning. Stacey tells her to wake up and to bring it. Hey, didn’t Tynomi get a final warning on the runway before she was eliminated? Hm, I wonder how this will turn out.
*69 to Speak to a Psychic
Jeffrey enters the Werk Room and announces the mini challenge. The queens get into quick drag and impov their way through being phone psychics with Hoho’s Astral Alliance. Obviously, after the miserable Miss Cleo impression, Priyanka is quite triggered. Jeffrey says the queens will improv with a mystery caller who turns out to be Canadian drag queen and Drag Race UK contestant Crystal!
Most of the queens are quite funny – even Priyanka. That’s how you redeem yourself within 24 hours. However, the winner is Lemon. She is a terrific actress and is hysterically funny. She will get to choose the teams for the main challenge. Jeffrey tells the girls that the teams will star in their own late-night law firm commercial parodies. Lemon chooses Priyanka as her partner and makes a team of Scarlett and Ilona and a third team of Jimbo, Rita & BOA. These are some interesting pairings for sure.
Do You Want to Sue A Drag Queen?
After the girls storyboard their commercials, they meet with Stacey to film with props and the Pit Crew. Priyanka & Lemon’s filming goes well as they are prepared and know exactly what they want to do. There’s a lot going on in the trio’s scene, but it also looks like it goes well. Ilona & Scarlett’s scene is very disjointed, so I don’t know that it’s going to go well at all.
This week’s extra special guest host is, and I cannot stress this enough, Tom Green. Yes, the former Mr. Drew Barrymore is this week’s guest host and him being in the Ru role is as awkward as you want it to be. I’m honestly gagged that there wasn’t a “Freddy Got Fingered” reference. The again, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had it written into his rider that they weren’t to mention it.
Denim on top, Denim on bottom
On the runway, category is Canadian Tux-shedo. That’s right: denim on denim on denim. Which, as I learned, was essentially created by Bing Crosby. The more you know. The runways are hit or miss, but nothing is glaringly awful or outstanding. The queens and the judges watch the videos, and quite honestly, all three were quite good. Ilona & Scarlett’s was slightly annoying, but Priyanka and Lemon’s was essentially performance art. I loved it. Based on the critiques, I would say the tops are Scarlett, Jimbo & Rita and the bottoms are Ilona, BOA, Priyanka and Lemon. I think, however, Priyanka & Lemon will be safe due to their outstanding video.
Before they leave, we are treated to an amazing fun fact. Tom Green says that, as a five year old, he was “the wind” in a church play. Why does this matter? His costume, as confirmed by a judge’s panel phone call to his mother, looked exactly like BOA’s runway outfit. BOA’s taste level is the same as five-year-old Tom Green’s.
Tonight’s episode does not look good for BOA. Oh, and then we get everyone’s favorite question: who deserves to go home tonight, and why? Scarlett, Ilona, BOA & Jimbo all say Lemon should simply because her runway was weak. Rita, Priyanka & Lemon say Ilona should because the challenge and the runway were weak. Based on this new information, I would say Scarlett would win and Ilona & Lemon will lip sync.
Wait, who won?
My psychic skills are off, apparently, or, more likely, the judges are weird. Rita wins the challenge and Ilona and BOA are going to lip sync against each other. The lip sync song is Alessia Cara’s Scars To Your Beautiful, and I suddenly have no desire to watch. I don’t really like the song, and I don’t really think it’s fair to give this song to these queens after last week’s high power, high energy lip sync. It’s over, and it was fine, I guess? I don’t know, are the Canadians too polite for a double elimination? I could go for one, to be honest.
The judges vote, and, surprisingly, Ilona shantays. BOA sashays, and I do believe all the signs were there. She got the sad queen edit this episode and did get the warning from the end of last week’s episode. However, she provided one of the most iconic exit lines I have ever heard in Drag Race herstory: “I didn’t come here to make friends; I came here to make lasagna.” I have passed away, send balloons in lieu of flowers. I also would like lasagna. I’m gonna have that Postmated. Until next time, racers!
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It's Week 3... and the computer didn't pick Chris Herndon this time