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Do I Hate Clare or is it Internalized Misogyny?

A brief quiz to help you sort out your feelings. Before the biggest blow-up of the season and this Bachelorette’s farewell, I have to know.

Do I Hate Clare or is it Internalized Misogyny?


Estimated Reading Time: 4 Minutes

The briefest of quizzes to help you sort out your feelings.

Before the biggest blow-up of the season and this Bachelorette’s farewell, I have to know.

A 39-year-old woman who has never been married is:

  1. Probably desperate to find a husband at any cost
  2. Definitely annoying, you can just tell she’s annoying to men.
  3. In a hard spot, society isn’t fair.
  4. Living her own damn life and not a concern of mine.

Someone who’s been on the Bachelor franchise more than twice is:

  1. Lowsy leftovers 
  2. A lost cause
  3. Building an online brand
  4. Nick Viall

The rules just aren’t working for the Bachelorette, what should she do?

  1. Pretend to enjoy the company of mediocre men despite her interest level.
  2. Be a lady, these guys gave up their time for her.
  3. Be diplomatic, women have to walk a fine line.
  4. Do whatever she wants, she doesn’t owe anyone her time.

Oh boy! The Bachelorette found someone she really likes! What now?

  1. I bet he doesn’t like her that much. I don’t.
  2. Women are more attractive when they play hard to get.
  3. Is she allowed to say what she wants like that?
  4. Yes! Get your man!

The Lead is a deeply flawed character, I feel:

  1. Very interested if its Walter White or Tony Soprano
  2. Very interested if it’s a girl but she’s sexy.
  3. Very interested as long as its in the exact way I find acceptable (possibly sexy).
  4. Very interested because humanity is complex and compelling.

Oops! A miscommunication! Now he wants to kiss her but she doesn’t want to!

  1. What’s the big deal? It’s one kiss, she’s being a bitch.
  2. Mistakes happen, why can’t she just be cool.
  3. She should at least explain to him why she was upset.
  4. As a vocal survivor of abuse, and as a person who has the inherent right to give or revoke consent, she is not obligated to provide any explanation for her personal boundaries. The death grip put on her neck which exerted superior male strength against her and her expressed desire to not be kissed was a violation of her autonomy and she does not owe any one who violates her in this way a polite explanation or a second chance.  

Now tally up the numbers of the answers you chose!

6-12: Oh no! You if you hate Clare maybe it’s not that she’s a total bitch, maybe it’s that you kind of hate women and hold them to a different standard than you do men because of both personal expectations and societal norms! Definitely start interrogating that.

13-22: Danger Zone!! Maybe you’re “not a feminist” because you “don’t hate men”. 

23-24: Congratulations! Your baseline assessment of situations related Clare Crawley are not primarily influenced by hating women! If you don’t like her, you probably just don’t like her as a person. That’s totally fine! Women aren’t perfect and its ok to not like them induvidually, but it’s not ok to not like them because they fail to conform to your long-engrained narratives that diminish women to positions of decoration or defamation. 

Note: While this quiz was written by a female identifying writer, thus putting internalized misogyny on trial, if you’re male identifying, you may be battling good old-fashioned misogyny, the regular kind.

Why does it matter?

Here, on a sports site, from a writer doing joke sports coverage on the Bachelor?

The lens we view women through matters, on The Bachelor, on pro coaching staffs, in contract negotiations, and definitely, always in your day to day life. 

The unnamed prejudices that expect certain demure, polite, or appeasing behaviors from women prevent the very things women are criticized for lacking- leadership, killer-instinct, physical prowess. 

They’re dammed if they do and they’re damned if they don’t. When we fail to ask ourselves if we have an unconscious bias against women, or long-held expectations for what women are like, we become susceptible to narratives that will always disadvantage women. 

They will always disadvantage us because we did not write them. We were barred from the world they were constructed in, and their existence bars us further from dismantling them.

And by the way, misogyny is not my problem to solve, it’s my crucible to endure. And if you’re an egalitarian progressive feminist ally, it may not be your fault, but changing it is your responsibility.


Recommended Reading:

Kareem Abdul Jabar: We Need to Stamp Out Misogyny in Sports (Time)

What Gender Inequality Looks like in Collegiate Sports (The Atlantic)

Female Sports Journalists Still Face Rampant Sexism on the Job (Quartz)

40% of Women in Sport Industry Face Gender Discrimination, Report Finds (Independent)

Angelica is an NYC based creative. She has performed in the national tours of Broadway musicals, written for ESPN.com, and teaches theater and dance in men's maximum security prisons. 2018 Broadway Show League Female MVP! Her loyalties stem from her roots, and remain with the 49ers, Giants, Sharks, and UCLA Bruins.

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